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Winner of Wattys Retry Awards 2018 (6/6/18)
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(Under editing)
Sometimes all you have to do is learn to let it go!
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She was a fighter.
She never learned to give up.
She knew how to face the harsh reality.
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But what happe...
Warning: Self destruction. Readers below 16 years of age are suggested not to read the content
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'One day your life will flash before your eyes. Make sure its worth watching'
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"You are being called by your girlfriend" Trisha said glaring at Aarav. He was stunned as if he couldn't believe he was going to do this. I looked away. Shit! What the hell was I doing? "I'm never drinking again! " I heard him murmer as he scurried away not even once glancing at me.
"You!" Tri glared at me. "What were you thinking? "
I looked down.
"I asked you something Kia? Answer me! " She was furious. And when Trisha gets angry, you're in for a very long lecture.
Damn it! What was I thinking!
"I... I don't know okay? It was in the moment and to top it all we were drunk" I said feeling guilty.
She took a deep breath as if preventing herself from shouting at me.
"Kia, look. I know you still love him whether you accept it or not. And I know how it feels to see the person you love with someone else. You have to stop being soo affected by his presence. He is in a fucking relationship for god sake"
"I know, I fucking know that he is in a damn relationship. I don't know what the hell I was about to do two minutes back. I was drunk okay? And to top it all I fucking love him. Whenever he is with Nitasha it is soo damn hard to stay strong and smile around him. Act as if everything is normal but on the inside you're tearing apart. How did he move on soo fast Tri? How? " By now tears were streaming down my face. Fuck! I hate to cry in front of people. Alcohol makes you numb and stupid. But it was Trisha. She has seen a lot more worst states of me.
She didn't say anything. She was just listening. She knew I was getting out everything whatever I had in my heart and that's why she was waiting for me to finish talking.
"I'm tired of staying strong Tri. It's not just Aarav. I miss my family. Whenever I come home, there is noone to welcome me or you know for the past three years there was no sign of love in my life. And today, when I saw a little drop of love, I just wanted to grab it and keep it for myself" I finished sighing.
After a minute of silence, Trisha finally spoke.
"I know how you're feeling Kia. They were like my parents too. I miss them too but You have to stay strong Kia. Aarav is dating. I don't know if their relationship is serious or not but he has a girlfriend now. Do you realize one thing? If you both would have kissed, Nitasha and Aarav would have broken up and the reason would be you. Do you want to be the third wheel? Do you want to be some other women or rather the third women in their relationship? "
That speech was enough for me to come back to my senses. It was like a bucket full of ice was thrown over me. Panic started to rise in my chest.
"You go ahead, I'll just use the restroom and come. " I said in a haste and scurried of to the washroom.
Shit! What was I doing? I was being selfish again. If 'She' gets to know, I'm dead. Just like my family. No... No.. No, 'she' won't kill me, she will kill the people I love. How can I be soo stupid? I have to stay away from him. I have to stay away from Aarav.
*** Flashback:
I was currently sitting in my drawing room. I felt cold. Actually the whole apartment was cold. I took a large sip of vodka. It has been a week since I moved to Delhi. A fucking week. Its been 15 days since my family's death. I don't even know how to feel. After seeing my parents and my brother's lifeless bodies, I had cried, cried my eyes out. I had clung to their bodies for I don't know how long. I wasn't letting them go. I had placed my head on my father's chest hoping to hear his heartbeats but all I felt was cold radiating from his body. My head was resting on his chest and my one hand was holding my mother's hand. My eyes were trained on my brother's lifeless body.
My relatives started tugging me away from my family but I didn't budge. I didn't let them go. When they forced me, my friends came to my rescue.
"Don't force her! " Ahana said coming next to me.
I was numb. What was I going to do? Without my family, I was nothing.
"Poor girl! What is she going to do? "
"Where was she when this happened? Was she with her boyfriend? "
"how is she going to handle herself? "
All those voices were roaming in my head as I took another swig of vodka. I hate sympathy! I hated it when there was pity in everyone's eyes. Right now as I sat in my living room, I was nothing but a lifeless body. All of this happened because of 'her'. I had to leave Mumbai because of 'her'. I lost my family because of 'her'. And the saddest part was I couldn't do anything about it.
Uggh!
A knock on the door distracted me from my thoughts. I got up and I felt a headrush. Stumbling, I reached the door and opened it. There was bouquet of black roses and a letter was attached to it. I took the unexpected gift in and closed the door. Who must've sent this? Noone knows that I'm hear.
I took the envelope and read the name. That was enough for my blood to freeze. My hands were trembling, I was numb. I was just looking at the name engraved on the envelope. It was from 'her'. I didn't have the guts to see what was written inside it. I sat down on the chair and looked at the white envelope in my hand. After a while I took out the letter and started reading
'Dear Kia, I hope you've reached Delhi properly! My dear Kia, Why didn't you listen to me? If you would have, nothing would've happened. Anyways, I'm writing this letter to warn you, If you ever reveal it to anyone that I was responsible for your family's death you know who my next target is. I shooted Rian in the arm, next time it will go straight to his heart. By now I think you are aware of what limits I can reach so better keep your mouth shut. And don't worry about Aarav, I'll make sure he'll forget about you. "
I was numb. I couldn't even stand. I just sat there looking at the letter for I don't know how long! I was just sitting in my chair with a letter in my hand and a bouquet of black roses kept infront of me. I wanted to feel something. I was getting scared of this numbness. I felt like it was killing me inside. I shuffled myself to the bathroom and sat under the shower. The cold water hit my skin drenching me, but it wasn't enough to make me feel something. It was suffocating me. With wet clothes stuck to my body, I went infront of the mirror. My face was pale, droplets were dripping through my hair. My shirt was stuck to my body revealing my chest. I looked at the small shelf beside me.
I took the blade lying next to my comb. I stared at it for a while. Let's try this. I sat down on the bathroom floor and made a cut on my wrist. That night was the first night I started cutting myself to get over the numbness. To feel something, let it be pain. You know what the Irony is ? I used this method to numb myself and to feel again.
