Breaking Silence

Chapter Sixteen

It has been a couple of days since I last step foot out of my room and Jovano has been extremely worried about me, which just makes everything hurt twice as bad knowing that we are not meant to be.

The only person that I have spoken to is my grandmother who is trying her best to comfort me, but I don't think I can keep holding on. She is also trying to calm down Jovano and get him to be focused on his pack than me.

Getting up, I went into the bathroom and splashed water onto my face in hopes of calming myself down and to be refreshed.

Looking in the mirror, I was surprised at how pale my skin had gotten and it had lost its little glow. My eyes had dark bags under them from my lack of sleep and my face had gotten thinner since my diet has gotten even worse.

My current state is even worse than when I had just got here and honestly, I have just given up on hope. I was praying to the Goddess to free me from everything only to learn that it was part of her plan for me.

Maybe she just found joy in torturing me and watching me suffer or I was just born unlucky. Now I don't even know what to do with my life but just sit and wait.

Stripping down, I got into the shower and let the icy cold water pour over me. I was shivering underneath the water but it was awakening my senses and making me realize that I was not yet gone. 

When I was done, I hurriedly got dressed before leaving the room. I had been sitting in that room for too long and I wanted to be surrounded by what I loved the most, mother nature and all of her beautiful creations.

I received many stares and comments from the pack members but I ignored them all as I went through the back door and made my way to the flower garden. There was no use in getting to know them anymore because I wasn't their Luna.

Strolling past the many rows of beautiful flowers, I let both hands touch them as I walked past. It felt good no longer being locked up in that room and smelling fresh air, even if it for a little while.

Going to the same spot where Jovano and I had stared up at the sky, I rolled on the grass while looking up at the clouds. I spotted many different shapes in the sky like a man smoking a pipe, an elephant that was missing its left ear and a man on a car without wheels.

I felt like a little girl again as I watched the clouds form into shapes. It was fun yet sad at the same time.

My emotions were scattered all around and my brain seemed to forget how to function properly now that my heart was in pieces. Pieces that couldn't be put back together no matter how hard I tried. 

Maybe I am just like Humpty Dumpty. I had a few falls and pieced myself back together, but now I am shattered into too many pieces to make whole.

"I knew I would find you here," the soothing voice of my grandmother said as she sat down besides me.

I rested my head on her lap and smiled up at her. Even though she had a huge scar running from her left eyebrow down her face, she was still beautiful and filled with confidence. Something which I lacked.

"Your mother also liked looking at clouds to you know. She always said that the sky was blocking our world from seeing another but the clouds allowed us some insight on what was happening," she said, her voice calm and sounded distant as she stared up at the sky.

"Maybe she was right," I thought allowed. "A place where bears drove cars and little girls could fly. A place where our dreams could be a reality." That would be so nice if it was real but obviously not.

She let out a chuckle as played with my hair. "Well that would be nice and maybe then things would be different for our family." Her voice softened towards the end as I removed my head from her lap.

"I never wanted you to find out like this but I didn't know how to tell you darling," she said, just like the many times before when I had lock myself in the bedroom.

"I know mama," I said sadly as I gave her a small smile. "Everything is going to turn out fine eventually." I was trying to convince her but at the same time try to convince myself as well, but we both knew that was a lie.

"You sure can fool an old woman child," she said sadly, her light blue eyes shining. "Jovano mentioned something about the rogue attacks going down, but he thinks they're planning something big." Her eyes told me that she already knew what was happening.

"You know something mama?" I asked, curious as to what information she knew.

"What makes you think an old woman like me could possibly know something about this?" I could hear the hint of humour in her voice.

"Well like they say, the older you are the wiser you become and you mama is quite old," I chuckled at her expression.

"Glad to see you know something. Well, I'm sure the Moon Goddess must have told you something about it, but they're after you darling. That is why you must leave here today because they are planning to strike soon." All humour in her tone was gone and now replaced with seriousness.

My eyes widened as my mouth dropped opened. I knew that she was speaking the truth but I didn't want to believe her words.

"I'm sure you already know about my death wish, so what makes you think I wouldn't want them to capture me and just kill me now? And why did you wait so long to tell me about this?" I asked, thoughts of all the possibilities floating around in my head.

"I know you want to die, but there is so much to live for. Also, if you are captured, a war will happen. Since you have now shifted, your blood is now more valuable and they will stop at nothing to get it, especially that Alpha Malik. As for the reason I didn't tell you sooner, I wanted to make sure that these rogues were actually after you." 

Just upon hearing his name, the memories came crashing back as I shook my head stopping the tears from spilling.

"Go now darling, I have already taken care of everything back at the house," she said, as she pulled me into a tight hug. "I love you darling, don't you ever forget that." 

When we finally pulled away from the hug, I got up and began running as fast as I could away from the pack house. Tears in my eyes as I refused to look back and just kept my head facing front.

This was not what I had planned.