Healing Hailey

James

Taking Hailey to my favourite place has been something I have wanted to do since she first drew me in, the reason is bitter sweet. I want this place to remain a safe haven but this is such a difficult subject. But I want us, no, need us to trust each other, and that comes with knowing each other. So that is why I am reading her letter.

James,

I don't want to waste your time, nor do I want to prolong this time. I hope you will understand why. So I will make this as short yet accurate as possible.

I put my dad in prison. When I was ten I was showing off about my dad and I and how he spoils me because he transports "stuff". One day while showing off my new watch I said it was bought from the profits of a stolen car. It was over the phone which turned out to be bugged, probably because my previous comments were suspicious. My dad would be free if it wasn't for me opening my mouth. So, now I make sure I choose my words carefully, I think them through so no one will ever be hurt by them. The last thing I want is to hurt someone I care about.

My father is an amazing man, as a single father he went above and beyond for me, he broke the law for me because he loved me. I ruined that, and that will never happen again.

So, that's why I am so quiet. My words have done enough damage James. To be honest, you're the only reason I am not classified as mute yet. So, thank you, I guess.

~ Hailey

Hailey and I seem to finish each other's letters at the same time, Hailey seems to notice this as well and she looks away from me. I sigh.

"Hailey..." I trail off, not knowing what to say.

"Do you hate me?" She asks, so quietly I almost didn't hear her.

"No, of course not." I say. She looks at me, with surprise in her eyes and almost confusion too. "Do you hate me?" I ask.

"You couldn't control it." She says quietly. "How could I hate you for something you had no control over?" She asks.

"Exactly." I say. She smiles lightly and shakes her head.

"But I could have done something, I could have kept my mouth shut." She says.

"And I could have gotten my sister help and grown a pair sooner." I say. "These things are in the past." I say as I use my jumper to wipe the tears from Hailey's cheeks. "I hate myself Hailey, but I have still forgiven myself." I say and kiss her hairline.

"Wow." She says quietly. She thinks for a second and nods. Then I watch her face change as she seems to contemplate something. I wipe away the last tear and lightly run my hand through her hair.

"So, is there more than one letter?" I ask. She slowly nods.

"I take it that you are wondering whether or not to give it to me or not." I say. She smiles and gives me a light nod.

"I didn't think you would react so well." She says. "I just don't want that to change." She explains.

"Well, based on my surprisingly good reaction this time, wouldn't you expect the same to happen? Something better than what you thought?" I ask. She looks down and nods. She pulls out the second envelope and stares at it. The tips of her fingers going over the edges, still unsure. "Hailey..." I say and hold her hand. "It's ok, you can trust me." I add.

She takes a deep breath and looks to her right at the surrounding trees. I bite my lip and with another deep breath she sheepishly hands me the enveloped marked two. She shifts her body away from me and watches my hands as I open the letter, making sure her head is angled so she can't see my face. Slowly, I unfold the letter.

James,

If you are reading this, you have to know that I am absolutely terrified. I'm sure this has already been apparent. You see, when you finish this letter you will know everything about my past, and by then you will realise you have power over me, because this letter holds my kryptonite. So please, be gentle.

He was perfect. His hair had soft waves and was the most perfect chocolate brown. His eyes were this mix of green and blue and sometimes I swear I saw some yellow. His smile could light a football stadium. He was tall and strong, and he said he loved me.

We met through my dad. One summer my dad took me on holiday, he had some business to attend to and decided that I could go with him. At dinner one night this mysterious man came and whispered something in my father's ear. My dad gave me the present he had planned on giving me later, the infamous watch, and left this mysterious man with me, to protect me.

To this day I don't know where my dad went, but that was the last time I saw him other than in court. The mysterious man took me back to my hotel and stayed up with me, answering my questions. He was only a few years older than me, so we got on quite well.

That night I got my dad arrested, so the man took me in. My dad allowed it so I was instantly in his care. Through my dad's trial the man and I got close, got in a relationship.

The man and my dad worked together, and as the man's girlfriend I got involved too. I was "earning my keep." I did anything for him, so he used me, started beating me because he knew I wouldn't leave and my dad was not ever getting free so he could not stop him.

Of course I did escape, on a drug drop off I took the money and ran, it was lucky for me because he was arrested when I was meant to return. The police found me and I was put into care until I was emancipated a few months ago.

I don't know what happened to him, so I will always be looking over my shoulder. Hiding from an enemy I'm not sure is even there.

So, James. That is it. My story. My secret, well, our secret.

~ Hailey.

My mouth hangs open as I read. A tear falls on the paper, smudging the perfectly formed ink. I look at Hailey who has now turned to look away and into the trees.

"Oh my God." I whisper. "Hailey." I say, she quickly wipes her face and slowly turns to me. She looks down in shame so I gently lift her head up by her chin and I slowly hug her. "I am so sorry." I say into her hair.

"It's not your fault." She shrugs.

"Nor yours." I say. She gives me a small smile and nods.

"Secret?" She asks, holding out her right pinkie.

"Secret." I agree, locking our fingers together. She smiles and sighs a heavy sigh of relief. I'm so sorry Hailey.