{12th may 2012}
dear jen,
school sucks. boys mess around with footballs and basketballs and whatever-else balls (pun intended) and girls pretend not to watch them. pretty pointless, if you ask me.
anyway, i'm sat here with my big group of friends and for some reason you've joined us today. i'm writing you this letter in my head but when i get home i'll write it down.
i'm watching everyone else laugh at something someone said, but i don't laugh. it's not like i'm trying to ruin the party, but nowadays it takes effort to laugh and the joke isn't worth it.
at any rate, i don't like the way people look at me now. it tends to basically make me want to sink into the ground and not come up again. just kinda...disappear. stop existing.
but here i am, existing. breathing and living and writing you these stupid letters. and here you are, existing, laughing and smiling and being frustratingly perfect as usual, and part of me wants to be pissed off at you but mostly i'm just jealous and...admiring?
i don't know if that's the right word. i don't know if any of these are the right words.
