letters to jen

fifty

{6th march 2013}

dear jen,

i hate myself.

i hate that i cry. i hate that i'm left-handed. i hate that i'm defensive. i hate that i care. i hate that i don't. i hate that i try and my tries don't work out. i hate that small things upset me more than big things. i hate that i need people. i hate that i'm greedy. i hate that i get nervous. i hate that i'm selfish. i hate that i pity myself. i hate that i notice things. i hate that i don't. i hate that i lose things. i hate that i break my promises. i hate that i'm a hypocrite. i hate my hair. i hate my eyes. i hate that i get distracted easily. i hate my handwriting. i hate how i hold my pencil. i hate that i don't speak when it matters. i hate my smile. i hate that i'm tall. i hate the sound of my voice. i hate that i'm clever when i don't need to be and stupid when i do. i hate that i always need to know the time. i hate that i only try hard sometimes. i hate that i'm lazy. i hate that i like my friends more than my family. i hate that i listen to the wrong people. i hate that i leave things to the last minute. i hate that i get jealous. i hate that i hate myself. i hate that i write to you.