{13th april 2013)
dear jen,
you know how people have off days?
well, ever since liz died, i have off weeks. sometimes off months. just days and days where i try really hard just to be happy, or at least be how i was before my best friend got run over by a car, but the tries don't really work out, and those days it feels like my head is just under the surface, and i'm constantly trying to break through but something's holding me back.
and all i want, jen, is to know what it is that's holding me back, so i can get rid of it and stop being halfway between drowning and breathing properly like normal people.
kind of.
and goddamnit, jen, these letters are just one off day after another, and i bet if i looked back at them i'd just want them to stop.
and i do, i do want them to stop, i do i do i do.
i do, i do, i do - is that a song?
i just looked it up, it's a song by abba, and now i'm laughing quietly because jen, you wouldn't even believe how much liz hated abba.
i'm clicking the youtube link and why am i finding this so funny? to be honest it is kinda funny, because their outfits are ridiculous, and so are their haircuts, and was this really what it was like in the seventies?
there are these stupid snickers coming out of my mouth everytime the men come on screen, but hey, laughing's better than crying, right?
this song is catchy, jen. you should listen to it.
hey, maybe i can buy it and leave it in your locker. and then you can spend the day wondering who on earth would leave you an abba cd in your locker.
(i'm sorry, i do know your combination. i don't know it on purpose, i just notice things that people don't. then again, people notice things that i don't, so maybe me and people are even.)
i do, i do, i do is currently on repeat, because i keep pressing the replay button when the video ends.
(maybe this isn't one of my off days after all. maybe this is one of my okay days.)
