JP Part 2

Wounded

Joseph sits down outside on the steps to the porch and watched Ella and PJ as they ran around with Ringo on their imaginary adventures. I stand, leaning against the doorframe and watch as Joseph runs his fingers through his hair and starts to shake.

 His PTSD was kicking in again. 

He goes still and leans against the railing out of breath as I walk over and sit next to him. I had learned by now that he was not okay and he was never going to be okay so I don't ask.

 "Hey,"

 I say and I sit down and he looks at me and gives me a half smile. 

"Hey, you come here often?" He winks and I can't help but laugh a little. He slides closer to me and rests his head on my shoulder. 

"I love you Peter, you keep me sane," he says and I turn my head to kiss his forehead.

He stares out over the cliff and into the horizon. "You won't believe who I fought last night," I say and he wraps his arms around my waist. 

"What, was it Penguins with chainsaws this time?" He laughs and I shake my head. 

"Thankfully no, not this time. It was Mishu." I tell him and he looks up at me with his eyebrows raised. "I would like to think I roughed him up pretty good," I say and he rolls his eyes. I go to rub his shoulder but feel something hard instead of soft and squishy.

 I let go of him and look at him.

 "Joseph, have you been working out?"

 I ask and he sighs. 

"Ah, and here I was thinking it was impossible for me to gain muscle."

 He says and refuses to look at me. I was shocked and hurt. 

"I...I wanted to learn how to protect our family is all. After...you know." 

he continues. Without saying anything I stand up and go to leave. 

"Peter....Peter! Don't..." 

He chases after me as I walk through the house to the garage.

 "Peter! Stop!" I turn to him and he bumps into me.

 "Don't take it the wrong way, please. I know you're hurt but you shouldn't be." Joseph says and I just shake my head.

"No, you're right you should train. I can't protect you. I know, I failed and I wasn't there when you needed me the most. I wasn't there to stop them. I couldn't stop them. I couldn't stop them from beating you. I couldn't stop them from cutting you. I couldn't stop them from shooting you and I couldn't stop them from....Ra...." I can't even say the word. 

Tears start to fill his eyes and I feel guilty but don't care. 

"Maybe you guys would be better off without me. I know if I wasn't here you wouldn't be in this situation, to begin with. Rocking back and forth every damn day because of the unspeakable things they did to you. I vowed to you that I would protect you and take care of you for the rest of your life and I guess I lied. I can't protect you and you deserve a husband that can do far better than that!" 

I let out and he looks at me with so much pain in his eyes as I finally got the words off my chest. 

"I'm not as strong as you think I am!" 

I yell and turn around leaving out the front door.