ten

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[ Him ; HerOthers ; Narration ]

Saturday, 7:34 pm

calling : emma

-

"WHAT DO YOU WANT?!"

"Wow damn, calm your bouncing Buddhas. What's wrong?"

"THIS DRIVER JUST RAN MY COPY OF 'Paper Towns' OVER AND OH MY GOD, IT'S FUCKING SMUSHED."

"It's just a book..."

"JUST A BOOK? BITCH PLEASE THIS WAS A SIGNED COPY AND IT GOT RAN OVER. LIKE WHAT THE ACTUALLY WHALE. I WONDER HOW THAT DRIVER EVEN PASSED HIS DRIVER'S TEST."

"You can always go back and ask for another signed copy of it. It's not that big of a deal. It's just someone's signature."

"IT'S NOT JUST ANYONE'S SIGNATURE. IT'S JOHN GREEN'S SIGNATURE."

"Can you stop yelling. I think you just broke my eardrums."

"I'M GONNA FUCKING SUE THAT HOE."

"..."

"I SWEAR TO G-GOD. THIS IS GETTING TIRING."

"What?"

"I AM RUNNING AFTER THAT DAMN CAR. I HAVE TO USE MY NINJA SKILLS ON HIM."

"You're running after a car?"

"Y-YEAHH, DID YOU KNOW I WAS THE FASTEST RUNNER IN THE ENTIRE SCHOOL BACK IN MIDDLE SCHOOL?"

"Um no."

"OH MY GOD THAT DOUCHE JUST STOPPED OUTSIDE OF A BAKERY. AND OH MY GOD HE IS WALKING INTO A BAKERY. HE HAS THE AUDACITY TO EAT AFTER HE KNOWINGLY RAN MY BOOK OVER. I SWEAR WHERE IS MY KATANA WHEN I NEED IT."

"That fact that you're running after a car because the driver ran your book over is beyond me."

"PUT YOUR HANDS UP BITCHES, I'M NARNIA AND I WILL MURDER YOU!"

"Oh shit."

"Ma'am you have to calm down."

"THAT BALD HEADED, 80-YEAR-OLD LOOKING GRANDPA RAN MY SIGNED COPY OF PAPER TOWNS OVER."

"Isn't this Miss. Emma Harper? What has brought you into my petite store?"

"PETITE MY ASS."

"You're Emma Harper?"

"Is there a problem, Miss. Harper?"

"YES, YOU BASICALLY DRILLED A HOLE INTO MY SIGNED COPY OF PAPER TOWNS."

"I'm sorry. I didn't realize."

"I'LL ONLY ACCEPT YOUR APOLOGY IF YOU GIVE ME THAT RED VELVET CUPCAKE."

"Yes, of course."

CALL ENDED

"What the actual fak?"



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