Look At Me -xxxtentacion X reader-

Chapter eleven.

-Readers POV-

Fans were crowded around Jahseh as he stood on top of a table screaming to his fans. Ski and Sza are somewhere else because they said they didn't want to deal with the crazy people wanting to do shit.
Meg and I were at the front, like we were told to do, and jumping up with the other people around us. I was trying to stare up at him, but this bright ass sun wouldn't let me.

"I want you to fucking scream!" Everyone around him started doing so and trying to get to him. Fans were pushing against us and were actually starting to hurt me. I started wincing, but I kept ignoring it. Jahseh ended up singing a couple of songs while out here.

-Lyrics-

Bro's on yo block with that glock, right now
Drop me like an Opp and indeed, get shot down
She wanna ~ X wanna
You wanna? L-l-lick my dick like a what? Nice!
Lick my dick like Lil Wayne lollypop, huh!
Hi, my name's Ryan!
What do they call me? The wolf in sheep's skin

Try me might fight, fist fuck on sight
Wrist heavy, fat dyke
Pop Molly, Mike Ike
I got glacial white ice, and my bitch rack nice
And I do fight dykes, ride my dick like a bike

I got black in my voots
My name Toby like I'm Roots
Grab that bat, Babe Ruth
Swing that bitch might lose a tooth
She suck dick with no tooth
My nose runny like achoo
With that pussy I got coins
Might insert right in her groin
It's like jelly
Dick right in her belly
Baby got back
Bitch come look at my tat's
You got taxed
My head lookin' like bratz
Dump that bitch
Who gonna hold my racks

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People were screaming and calling out his name while jumping up and down to the beat. A couple fights broke out as well and Jahseh didn't seem to really care. One girl passed out and that was the only time he stopped everything and made sure the girl was okay. I also felt jealous, but he's helping someone, it's not like he's full on making out with anyone.. and it's not like I'm even with him, I just need go get over my bitch self.
He got back on top of the table and just started answering random questions from the crowd surrounding him.

"Would you take a picture with me?" A girl asked excitedly. He quickly jumped down, took a picture with her, and then jumped back up on the table. He pointed to another fan close by to me to hear his question.

"Do you like anyone?" The fan basically yells. He jumps up and down excitedly while waiting to hear his answer. I'm curious as well. He doesn't answer for a couple minutes, but eventually he does.

"I do, I love them. I just met 'em, but they're beautiful," I take a quick inhale. My heart is beating so fast it hurts. I can't just automatically think it's me, why would it be? He just met all of these people around us. I'm sick and tired of this, why? I fall for someone I could never get and I make myself sad over it. They'll never love me like I want to be loved. I want to be held, I want to be held by him.
I look up at him with hopeful eyes, but he's looking around at other people and smiling.
This feels too much like a movie, too much like it's a fantasy. I look at Meg and she seems to be enjoying her time here and so does everyone else. I can't breathe. This sudden mood change happens a lot, I experience it almost everyday. I nudge Meg's side.

"I'm going to go, I don't feel good. You can stay, don't worry, just text me when you're on your way back to the house, okay?" I ask. She just nods and looks at me sadly. She hugs me and wishes me well then turns around looking happy again. I push and shove my way through the crowd as I get pinched and pushed as I make my way through. Some of these people are rude.

I look back and see that Jahseh is looking at me walking away. I wave quickly then turn away and walk quicker towards the little house I have here in Florida. I would take the car, but I can't drive so walking is the best option for me. It isn't far anyways.
It's around 6pm that I get to the house and unlock the door. I shut it and lean against it. I'm having another 'episode' day. They're my sad days that I have almost every day. Now, when people look at me, they wouldn't really expect for someone like me, who looks like me, to be so sad and to be so fragile. God no, my exterior is a shy, but funny and chill wall, but on the inside I'm me. It's the face I don't show to anyone. Everyone would think I'm just trying to get some damn attention. So what? Who cares if I want attention? I'm not going to kill myself to get the attention I want, I'm not going to hurt myself to get the attention I need, that's ridiculous. Someone can give me the attention on their own, when they can notice it, when they can tell a broken knows the hate filled words already. They just don't know how to act when told love.
That's me.

I look around. I'm in the little entrance room when you walk through the front door. It's a little room I have to feel comfortable when someone walks in. I take a couple slow steps forward then look to my right and see my living room. It's nicely decorated, feels homey. It's based on not bright colours, just on the black and grey scale of colours. It relaxes me.
I walk to my left, about 10 feet, at another door opening that's open and shows my dinning room. There's a couple cacti sitting in some tiny jars on singular shelves, scattered around the room. The colours in here are simple, not too bright, but not dark either. Makes me feel relaxed. The kitchen is straight ahead.
The kitchen is pretty big with a dark grey/brown hardwood floor. It's my favourite part about it. Technically, it's not actual hardwood, it's just tiles, but the tiles are so smooth and the pattern makes it look like it is.
The colours in here work perfectly together, makes me feel good when cooking since I love to cook.
I ignore everything else and just go straight up to my room. Once you go up the stairs my room is all the way at the back, on the right. My room is depressing. I have my art hanging up on the walls, the walls are a light grey. My bed is pushed up against the dark corner of my room where my window isn't at. I only have one window in my room.
I walk over to the window and sit down. I can see out of it just fine. The sun is close to setting, making everything in the sky colourful. It's still lightly bright outside. My eyes wander down to my stomach and then my thighs. I sit down. My hands touch my thighs and then they grip at them like I'm trying to get what I want, away.

I start to cry a little. The warm tears fall down my face rapidly as I try to stop myself from sobbing. This has got to be close to one of my worst days since my thoughts are screaming at me. I'm shaking I'm so sad. I don't know anymore really. I'm tired of hiding who I am, but if I show who I really am then everyone won't care. No one would want me. No one would need me. What should I do?

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Yeah, so, as you can see this is quite a sad chapter. The next one might be as well, so prepare yourselves if you're sensitive to things like this and/or don't want to read it. I hope you enjoyed. Real quick, I need request forms because I need a girlfriend for Ski, an enemy for you (main character), and I just need a random charater/person. That role of the person will be revealed later on in the book. What I need will have a * beside it, but if it has this _ that means that it's not needed, but you can put it if you want to.
*Name
*Age
*Height
_Race/Colour
_Sexuality
_Eye colour
*Hobbies
*Backstory
(you can add extra things if you want to)

When you're making a request form, if you are, you can include which part you are 'applying/requesting' for. It would be good to do that to help me, thank you. Oh, and also, I start school tomorrow so updates will start being slow, but not incredibly slow.

Sorry for any errors,

Thank you -