one more day

8

Fuck. 

I don't even know why I asked him when Thanksgiving was. It's not like I was actually gonna go anyway even if it was before my Suicide Date: Take 2. Of course i'd coincidentally plan it on the same day as Thanksgiving. Just my luck.

Me: I think i have something planned with family but if i'm free i'll definitely let you know

I hated lying to him. The only thing my "family" had planned was nothing different than the norm. My dad would be drowning his unknown sorrows in alcohol and my mom would forget it all with a pipe or shoot up or snort.. who knows at this point? And me? I'll be harming myself, nothing unusual, except this time, it'll be to an extreme. I plan on ending all of the misery. I wouldn't be hurting anyone. My mom would never know, and my dad wouldn't care. If I had an ulterior optimistic viewpoint, i'd say that maybe (hopefully) this would knock some fuckin' sense into them and that they'd finally see that what they did to me.. see what they're doing to each other.. and themselves, was abuse and maybe, just maybe it'll scare them enough to get better and try to save themselves since they couldn't save me. I just don't see that working out though. Who knows.. Maybe me killing myself will just push them over the edge and my mom will overdose and my dad will flip his car off of the road in a drunken rage at my "selfishness" as people commonly say.

God, i'm fucked up.

I wipe my red nose, sniffling a bit from the cold air brushing my face. I'd been walking for a while just to pass some time, just to get out of the house. I must've been lost in thought and not noticed the time. I looked up at the gloomy sky. It was completely dark and tiny stars were poking out from behind the sad grey clouds. "fuck," I sighed, looking down at my phone which read "9:43" along with 2 unread messages from Michael.

Michael: yeah I understand. I mean you should spend Thanksgiving with your family haha.

Michael: Well maybe we can hang out before Thanksgiving then? 

I locked my phone without answering. It was getting really chilly outside and my legs were sore from all the walking. I guess I really didn't notice how far i'd gotten. Up ahead I saw a starbucks. Basic but it seemed like the best choice since my only options right now are starbucks or panera and I wasn't in the mood for a whole meal, just a warm drink for the walk home.

There were a lot of people out for it being a Monday night. A lot of them were lonely college/high school students staring at computer screens or couples cozied up, warm coffees in hand just enjoying each other. 

"Hey can I get a uh," I squinted at the menu for a second, "white mocha."

"What size?" The man behind the register boringly asked.

"Medium."

"You mean grande?" he scoffed a bit, "and what's a name I can put on this?"

"Yeah sure whatever. And it's Olivia." I sighed. He obviously knew what I meant when I said medium. After paying and receiving my receipt, I walked to the end of the counter waiting for my name to be called.

The coffee was warm in my mouth and I was grateful for that. Stepping outside it felt like it had gotten 20 degrees colder. Instead of walking out the way I came in, I used the side door near the outside seating since it was in the direction of the way I had to go to get home. The tables outside were nearly full. Why would anyone willingly sit out here in this weather. I walked past a table of four people, hoodies up and strings pulled so that only their eyes were visible and they had shades on.

Weird? I thought to myself. 

Walking past, I thought I heard a "pst" come from one of the hooded people. I ignored it and kept walking, continuously sipping on my delicious mocha.