Bittersweet Survival

CHAPTER 14: "you'll survive this, I know you will."

KALI POV:

Once I'd woken up I sat up, never had I felt so numb in my life. Turning and glancing over at Strand me gave me a sad smile standing up, holding his hand out. I took it tightly as he pulled me up. "Do you trust me?" He asked me and I knew I could trust him. Especially after what happened last night. I didn't know how but somehow even if I felt numb to everything, I felt lighter than ever. The pain, it didn't seem so bad. But it didn't seem so good either.

"You're asking a lot for my trust. But I do. You are the first person I ever told that to. Probably the only person I will ever say it to. I was so afraid you'd be disgusted in me, that you'd see me as this awful human being, that you'd tell everyone and they'd hate me too. But it doesn't matter. I'm glad I told you Victor. I'm not afraid anymore but now I feel something different, something completely new to me." I shared with him my heart clenching tightly but I couldn't feel anything. I could feel my heart clench, my stomach tighten. I felt like I'd explode. I wanted to scream. My body was begging me for it but I couldn't. I wouldn't. I felt Strand's hand place on my shoulder which caused me to jump slightly but I stood still.

"It's called darkness Kali; it'll be completely new to you. But you need to fight it. Once you invite it in, you'll do things, and you'll regret it. But I know you're strong enough to push through. I believe in you. I know what it's like to lose hope; I lost hope when I lost Thomas. But it's going to be okay. I'll be here for you." Strand whispered pulling me into a tight hug. I wrapped my arms around him slowly knowing there was no way I'd ever meet a man as complicated as him. It was in this moment I longed to talk with Daniel, I wanted to talk to him, know what he would have to say. He was a good man and I believed he'd know what to say. I also knew I had to stop drinking. Stop drinking now. It ruined me once. But I felt something deep and insatiable run through me. Fear was still embedded in my body but I wasn't afraid people would hate me. If Victor Strand could find it in his heart to be understanding then so could many other people that cared about me.

"Thank you." I whispered pulling away from him. As I walked out with my bag I walked out to go and get something to eat. I hadn't eaten in days. As I chucked the food on a plate I glanced outside seeing what seemed to be a riot starting. I chose to ignore it. I couldn't be involved in this. Not this time. I remained eating letting the food fill me up as I ached for a drink. My throat felt like it was constricting but I paid no attention to it. I needed to find a substitute to numb the effects of my apparent alcoholism. I tore out a pack of cigarettes from my bag I hadn't left since I got off the boat. Taking out my lighter I lit it, slowly taking in the smoke, letting it set into my lungs turning toxic. I turned seeing Alicia enter the room with a small smile, completely ignorant to what has been going on with me.

"Look we're leaving, Chris died. We're leaving in the morning. Look I understand completely if you don't want to come with us but the option is open." Alicia offered with a light smile which made me smile in return. I smiled slowly knowing I had nowhere else to go, no other people I considered friends.

"I'll come with you Alicia. You're all I got." I replied, my voice calm and numb. It was as if all the emotions had left my mind and body and I was left, a cold empty shell. The night came quickly and I felt restless, I didn't know what to do with myself, I felt a sudden case of Nihilism enter into my soul, nothing, nothing meant anything. Everything was meaningless all of a sudden. I kept my eyes on the sky, nothing flying around out there, it was clear and clean. I'd taken to smoking three in the last two hours, it probably didn't seem like much but it's more than I'd ever smoked in that amount of time before. I saw the Clark family making their getaway and I was pulled up by Strand and I turned to him with a frown.

"You got to leave now, I'm not going with them, but don't worry, I'll see you again. Good luck, and remember, you'll survive this, I know you will." He whispered pressing a light fatherly kiss to my forehead. Looking at him in shock I nodded turning away tears springing in my eyes as I tossed the cigarette away and jumped into the back with Alicia. I braced myself for impact as Travis drove through the fence forcing it open. I frowned as we hit the road, it was oddly quiet for the Clark family. They'd always attracted such noise. I was the only one to want to sit next to Travis, the passenger seat. I kept my eyes on outside the road, watching as the lights in the distance went on by. Passing by, fleeting. It was all going so fast. We'd rolled to a stop not that long after. I watched as they left the car. I truthfully wanted to follow but I didn't bother. This was a family thing and I wasn't family. I didn't want to be. My eyes fell heavy and I'd soon fallen to sleep. When the morning sun rose, so did I. Walking out with them to the gate, I knew they were on a hunt for Nick.

As they crouched down I was the last to walk through, glancing over and around the area, it didn't feel safe, but I walked through anyway, throwing all sense away just in order to feel something. I'd always had such trouble with, never as much as of late. I ran with Alicia right into the bus. She'd sworn something was up and I believed her. The girl was smart. Much smarter than me that was for sure. She crouched down taking her jacket off and putting it underneath him.

"He's alive for now." Alicia shared and I pursed my lips looking at his wound unwrapping it slightly.

"He was bitten Alicia. He'll turn soon." I shared with her sternly as Maddison and Travis walked in.

"We don't have much time." Travis shared.

"I'm looking for my son Nick," Maddison spoke trying to understand what he was saying as he croaked out something in half Spanish. "You know where he is? Is he still alive?" Madison asked desperately.

"Boarder" He croaked out.

"The Mexican border?" I asked frowning exchanging glances with Alicia as Maddison looked over to Travis.

"He saw something." The man whispered before finally fading out. I let my body shift into a sitting position as I watched the man die. I didn't know what to do. We were obviously going to look for Nick, that was a given. I needed to be fearless. If not now, then when? Strand believed I could survive. And somehow I could myself not wanting to disappoint him. I walked back with the Clark family getting into the car. But I saw Maddison look up as we were about to enter. Military trucks rolled in, each man reaching out taking us by force. As I felt the forcefulness of the grip on my skin I felt petrified. I heard the whispers in my mind haunting me yet again, I felt my mind go into panic, into shock as I thrashed around, tears hotly falling down my face as I felt the force, as I felt fear. As I finally felt something completely unwelcomed.