Abandonment is one word to describe Evelyn Ward's childhood.
Known as an orphan freak and paranoid schizophrenic, she was dragged through years of therapy after admitting to hearing whispering voices and seeing creatures and living shadows.
...
Rain hammered relentlessly on the window while I lay awake staring at the ceiling writhing with inky shadows. The demons swirled about in a vortex, their monstrous faces making brief appearances in the darkness as they swooped down to scratch my skin and pull at my hair. A habit that had been growing more frequent.
Jorden lay blissfully unaware, snoring softly with one arm draped over my stomach just the same as always. I didn't blame him for not seeing what was going on, in fact, envy was my strongest emotion when it came to his ignorance. How I wished I could be as oblivious to their presence as he was.
Slipping out from under his arm, I dressed in a loose T-shirt and sweatpants and walked over to the window to watch the droplets roll down the glass. I sighed through my nose, glancing at Jorden's sleeping form.
In theory, we couldn't have been happier. A month had passed since I accepted his proposal, and I had all but officially moved into his condo, but in reality, the bitter taste of misery coated my insides. I had tried, and hoped, and pretended, but that spark of joy had died and every passing day my discontent grew. No matter how much I denied the truth, my misery was a result of the gaping hole in my chest -- a hole I had torn open when I turned away from Zev.
Turning my back on Zev, forcing him out of my life was what I needed to do to be with Jorden, but it also meant turning my back on the life Zev had shown me, ignoring and repressing the part of myself I had learned about. To cling to what I knew, I had to sacrifice what I could be, but I had made my choice.
But my mind betrayed me, turning to thoughts of Zev every night and kept me awake longing for his strong embrace. Memories of his lips against mine, his velvety wings caressing my skin, and the pure exhilaration that sparked at his touch tormented me more than the demons screaming from beyond the veil.
Desperate to escape my suffocating thoughts and the demons pressing closer, I crept out of the room, heading for the front door to stand outside in the rain.
The chill air raised goosebumps on my skin. As December had arrived, the temperature had taken a nosedive though it wasn't yet cold enough to snow. The icy rain soaked into my clothes, numbing my body to match my heart, but still, thoughts buzzed through my head.
Indecision ate through me. I was toeing the edge of a cliff, trying desperately to maintain my footing, but every second I spent consumed by thoughts of Zev pushed me closer to the edge. I didn't want to fall away from Jorden, but how could I resist Zev when he could tell me so much about who I am and where I came from?
Would it be so wrong after all to spend time with Zev if it were only so he could teach me how to fight the demons? Perhaps hiding it from Jorden seemed wrong, but if everything I hid from him was to be counted as a betrayal, then there was already a noose around my neck waiting to hang me for treason.
Seeing Zev wouldn't be cheating on Jorden. There would be no kissing, no touching, no emotions. Just him teaching me how to defend myself, and my urge to see him would be appeased giving me peace, and maybe I could finally be happy with Jorden.
It was a win-win situation. So I stopped holding back and jumped.
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Is what Evelyn is doing wrong? Is it any better or worse than what she's already done to Jorden? Will she be able to keep her promise to herself and not cheat on Jorden? Or even more so, will Zev even want to see her after she strung him along and then pushed him away?
