Diary Of A Nonbinary

Class & coming out

My science teacher still called me my birth gender and pronouns today and I got really upset and it really sucked because my science teacher remembered to learn how to tell my genderfluid best friend's pronouns and gender every day and I thought she like forgot about me and stuff...

I was wrong. So she hadnt read my all about me sheet that i told her everything on. I checked my grades online just before writing this and she STILL hasn't graded it which means she probably hasn't read it which means she'll probably call me by my birth name and pronouns :'(

I'm super anxious and scared of when she does read it though because I have a class with a bunch of homophobic and transphobic people that all know me by my birth name and everything so they'll probably bully me. RIP. Even if they do i can tell my teacher and she'll put a stop to it, so I guess I'm worried about nothing. BUT I CAN'T STOP WORRYING. I started thinking about it in her class and I was about to have a panic attack.
~
Something important happened today. I came out to another one of my friends. I would be more excited but she didn't really take it well (I think?)

I was sitting with her and my best friend at lunch and my best friend casually mentioned it and she was like "what does that mean" and my friend explained it for me because I was too petrified. She was just like "oh okay" and I told her that I would appreciate it (inside I wanted to say "if you don't do this i will want death") if she called me Kris and they/them pronouns and she was just like "You want me to call you Kris?" And that like really hurt but I know it's a new thing for her and everything but still just no. She did seem a little open about it though but still I mean if she doesn't want to accept me and stuff she can get out of my life.

Thanks for reading
~Kris