Diary Of A Nonbinary

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Hey guys!

So I have something to say and it's been bothering me for at least a few weeks now: I'm not sure if I'm nonbinary anymore.

When I was first questioning my gender, I felt like it made the most sense to me and I felt like that was a good label for me. But after I had told people and even after I had started this book I started questioning it a lot more. I wasn't sure if the label really fit me and I wasn't having dysphoria as much as other trans people I knew were. I constantly felt like I was faking it or that other people thought I was faking it. 

Then there was a time where I said "No. I'm not faking it. This is how I feel. I am valid." and while this was all true at the time, now I'm not so sure. I know I was never faking being nonbinary because I really had questioned my gender and I really did have dysphoria, but I'm not sure that the label 'nonbinary' fits me anymore. 

Now that I've been questioning my gender again I'm starting to feel more dysphoric and stuff, it's weird. Like I started thinking that maybe I'm just a cis girl, but that didn't feel right and earlier today I looked in a mirror and hated it because of my chest. I don't know. It's like I don't have a problem with being called or viewed as a girl, but I don't want to look like one. I don't really have a problem with being viewed as anything really. I also feel like my birth name doesn't fit me because it's too feminine. I'm not really even sure about the name Kass. I like it and it doesn't feel too feminine or anything like that, I just don't think it fits me. I don't mind going by it now, but I'm still on a name search. 

I'm such a mess good lord.

But anyways, now would be a good time to share a certain opinion of mine: if you decide at some point that the gender or sexuality you once identified with doesn't fit you anymore, you are still valid and it doesn't make you any less valid when you identified as it. You can identify as trans and figure out you're actually cis and that wouldn't make you any less valid when you identified as trans. You can change and your view of yourself can change and that is fine. You don't have to identify as the same thing your whole life. As long as you are being true to who you are at the time, you are valid. 

~Kass