Diary Of A Nonbinary

84

Hey guys!

So I have something I want to talk about. 

I'm still having a gender identity crisis.

It's like my brain is telling me that I'm just a cis female, but I don't feel like it fits me. Sometimes I feel like I'm trans, but other times I feel like I'm cis but not really. I don't know and it's just so confusing. Another part of it is like you have to have dysphoria to be trans whether it be social or physical. I haven't had a lot of trouble with physical dysphoria like my chest and stuff like that, but sometimes it feels weird or wrong when people call me "she" which would be social dysphoria. I feel like the pronouns they/them fit me best, but does that mean I'm trans? Can a cis female go by they/them pronouns? I don't know and I don't even know if I'm a cis female anyways. 

Another conflict going through my brain is about this book. Since I don't identify as nonbinary anymore and don't know what I identify as, I feel like I should end this book. It's just that since I'm questioning my gender I'm living a lie by writing in this book. I know I could just change the title, but I feel like I shouldn't do that because identifying as nonbinary was a part of my life and now questioning is another part of it. Being nonbinary was a part of my life and I don't want that part of my life to go away or be invalidated by my feelings now. 

I'm sorry that probably makes no sense because I'm not good at writing my thoughts down to where other people can understand easily. 

Maybe I should just end this book? Or delete it?

I don't want to delete it because I know it's helped some people understand their own gender identity or have someone to connect with and I don't want that to end. I'm also constantly afraid that someone is going to find this book and find out who I am or something like that.

I might just end it? I'm not sure...

~Kass