My First Time

FIRST BREAK-UP

FIRST BREAK-UP~

"Breaking up is just like having the worst nightmare, after having the best dream."

Parang ganito na yung routine namin kapag hindi kami magkasama. We're okay now, and then the next day we're not. Sigh. What's happening? Even if how many times we tell that we should avoid fighting. Well, it's easier said than done.

One day I'm with my friends, hanging out, chillin'. We had some drinks. And I had no idea when I got drunk, while I was intoxicated, I obviously had no way of texting her besides the fact that there was absolutely there's no signal in that house. Wala talaga akong idea kung anong oras na. Nung nakalabas na kami ng bahay (Na walang signal. Urgh) that was the only time na matext ko siya. Ok here I go, I'm going to text her na. (Nervous much>.<) Everything was all blury. I was obviously dizzy. @.@ "Baby ko?" And when she replied, all the sense came running back to me (Pampatanggal pala ng lasing yun)

She replied "Oh buti nagtext kapa? Di kana din sana umuwi." Her sarcastic tune was hurtful. I tried, I tried really hard to explain. Sigh. Pero too late, she's really mad. I mean "REALLY" mad. And I can't do anything about it. Nakakainis. Had no idea why I also got mad. Maybe gusto ko lang talagang intindihin niya ako that time and maybe because I'm quite drunk. (Pero sanang hindi na lang) Tangina this. Nasa huli talaga ang pagsisisi. (Alangan naman sa una diba?) Okay this is the hardest part. Audrey broke up with me saying "Di ko na talaga kaya. Sobrang nasasaktan na ko. I love you. :'( Sorry."

I can feel the rain in her eyes, while I try to hold the rain mine. Ako 'tong si tanga na pinabayaan ko naman siya. Sigh. Akala ko kapag nakainom ka, you can't feel anything kase manhid ka. But I was definitely wrong, because I felt those words pierce through my heart. (Yung parang ang daming sumaksak na patalim sa heart ko. :/) Parang gusto ko pang uminom ulit. I felt like I was dying from the inside. It feels like it was the first time that my heart was broken. </3

Waah! This is so hard. Ayoko siyang mawala. Kaya niya pala kong iwan? Bakit ganun? Sabi niya mahal niya ko. Ano, nagsawa na ba siya?

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WITHOUT YOU by Betheoneforyou

I hold your hand, but you gently let me go

I'm trying to hug you, but you slowly slam the door

You leave me alone in this damn dark place

Where am I? Why I'm here?

I'm lost in this cold dark place

I'm scared

I'm fighting even if there's no reason to fight

I'm trying to get out of here

But I don't know where to go

There's no direction

I don't know where I am

That I don't even know why I'm here

I don't know what I have to do

My heart is filled with fear

It wants to burst out and turn into pieces

Rain streaming down my face

I'm down on my knees

Waiting for the rainbow to come </3

The next day, when I woke up I quickly texted her, begging her to stay and trying to fix our problem. The day is so gloomy. I think it's about to rain. Oh no! I hate it when rain falls. :'( But this time, rain falling down from my cheeks. I can't hold it any longer.

And rain falls.. (Parang bagyong undoy lang e?)

Sigh. Magkatext nga kami pero ang dry niya. Naiintindihan ko naman siya kasi sobrang nasaktan ko siya pero gusto ko ng maayos 'to. Kahit magalit pa siya ng matagal sakin tatanggapin ko. Alam ko naman na hindi sapat ang sorry lang sa ginawa ko. Parang mamamatay ako sa sobrang sakit na nararamdaman ko. Nagsisisi ako kung bakit ko ginawa yun. Im definitely fool. Tss.

I tried to call her. Hoping that I can fix and put sense in this problem. Pero ng narinig ko na siyang magsalita di ko mapigilan ang hindi umiyak. We're just crying together. We were crying until the call ended. That time, ramdam na ramdam ko yung pain na nararamdaman namin ni Audrey. It hurts, really. Then after that I'm still begging for her not to leave me.

Hanggang sa magkaayos na kami ulit.

Yeah kami na ulit. Pero hindi naging madali para samin yun. Hindi ko papabayaan si Audrey. Tanga na lang ako kung hindi ko papahalagahan ang taong sobrang importante sa akin..

Buti na lang at mahal na mahal niya ko. Hindi ko na hahayaan pang mangyari ulit yun. I really love her. Di ko na siya ulit papakawalan pa. Hindi ko na ulit hahayaan na mawala pa siya sa akin.

Hindi ko kakayanin na mawala siya sa buhay ko. I really love Audrey.

"Sometimes it's ok to get hurt, atleast you've learned."

There some things that we don't mean to take for granted, and when they leave and forever gone that's when you look at yourself in the mirror and say "You're a darn fool!"

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After that break-up, nakapag-isip ako. Paano kung tuluyan niya akong iwan? Hay wag naman. Di ko po kaya Lord. Magpapakabait na ko. Pero hindi ko naman maiwasan ang di magkamali minsan. Tao po ako, nagkakamali din. (Drama. Hehe) Pero mabait naman ako e.

Look oh. à ^___________^

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Yeah. \m/ we're getting stronger. We're still fighting pero hindi na ganun kadalas. Masaya kami sa isa't isa at lalo pa kaming nagmamahalan. Pinaparamdam naman naming yun sa isa't isa and I'm happy about that. I'm happy because she loves me so much, I think nga she loves me more than I love her even if I really love her SO MUCH.

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Bakit ganito? Di ba nga we're getting stronger? Pero bakit? Parang ilang araw na kaming hindi magkasundo at lagi na lang dry kahit na okay naman kami. Ganito ba talaga kapag matagal na kayo ng karelasyon mo? Sigh.

One day, kasama ko lang si Audrey dito sa apartment. Napaka-tamlay naman ng araw na 'to. Biglang dumating si Amber nakikipag-kwentuhan, napansin din ata niya na parang sobrang tahimik namin ngayon. She asked "Bakit ang tahimik niyo ata ngayon? Napano kayo?" We said "Hm. Wala naman." Sabi ni Amber "Weh? Di naman kayo dating ganyan e." I said "Tignan mo bhie, pati si Amber napapansin niya na nagiging dry na tayo.:("

Yumuko lang si Audrey. Nang mga oras na yun mas lalo pa kaming natahimik. Dati kasi masaya kami lagi everytime na magkasama kami, yung tipong nag-aasaran pero may kasamang sweetness.

Sigh. Napano na ba kami? Hindi ko din alam ang sagot kaya sobrang nahihirapan ako.

Kaya siguro humantong kami sa...