Omfg. 147reads. Guys do you hear me crying?! Hahahaha omg!! ❤️
FRIDAY
"A strong person still trying to make a simple smile, when every part of him/her, wants to die."
"Hay. May pasok pa naman ngayon." I said to myself. Ayaw ko na muna siya makita pero namimiss ko siya. Ayaw ko siya makita dahil alam ko iiyak lang ako sa sobrang sakit. Ayaw ko magpakita sa kanya dahil alam ko masasaktan ko lang siya. (Puro sakit na lang. Tsk) But I'm really dying to see her, dahil sa miss at gusto ko na siyang makasama.
Lumabas ako ng room to go to the CR, while we're walking, nafefeel kong pabigat na ng pabigat ang nararamdaman ko. Mabigat, as in! At heto na nga ang kinakatakutan ko, I saw Audrey nandun sa loob ng CR with Alyssa so I decided na bumalik na lang ng room. Because I really don't know what to do, lalo na kung makita ko siyang umiiyak.
Nagpunta ulit ako sa CR dahil nga di ako nakapag'CR kanina. After nun, pabalik na ko ng room. Pero this time, nagkasalubong na kami ni Audrey. (Wait lang, ano gagawin ko? Papansinin ko ba siya? WTF! Help!)
Di ako makagalaw, I'm so frozen. Pinipilit ko na lang na maglakad ng normal kahit sobrang bigat na 'tong sakit na nararamdaman ko. Nakatingin lang ako sa kanya, pero hindi niya ako tinignan dahil ayaw niya pakita ang mga mata niyang sobrang maga na dahil sa kakaiyak.
Habang naglalakad kami, parang ang bagal ng pangyayari (yung slow motion ba) and at the same time, parang unti-unti akong sinasaksak sa puso. (Ang daming sumaksak sakin! But I deserved this. Right?)
"So we'll ignore each other and act like the other doesn't exist, but deep down, we both know it shouldn't have ended like this. And I promise you, I don't wanna lose you."
Pag nakakasalubong ko mga kaklase ni Audrey tinatanong nila lagi kung napano daw kami. Di ako sumasagot nag-smile na lang ako sa kanila (a fake smile.:/) Nang nakarating na ako sa room, di ko na mapigilan ang hindi umiyak dahil dun (yung hagulgol talaga) Napayakap ako bigla ng mahigpit sa bestfriend kong lalaki na si Grey. Wew. I'm so gay! (Matangkad, sobrang puti at makisig ang katawan, gwapo at higit sa lahat matalino, President's Lister ba naman) Hindi ko na talaga kinaya, can't hide it anymore. I feel like my heart breaks in two. Nilapitan ako ng mga classmates ko and then they try to comfort me.
Nung medyo okay na ko nakwento ko na sa kanila yung reason why I cried. At ang mga barkada kong mababait kinantahan nila ko.
A Little Space by Ne-Yo
Baby i just need a little space
A little break
From you today
Now i don't want you to go away
But just for today
Go over there
oh, could you go over there
oh oh oh, could you go over there
And Say Goodbye by Chris Brown
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But I gotta make the first move
'Cause if I don't you gonna start hating me
Cause I really don't feel the way I once felt about you
Girl it's not you, it's me
I kinda gotta figure out what I need (oh)
There's never a right time to say goodbye
But we know that we gotta go
Our separate ways
And I know it's hard but I gotta do it,
And it's killing me
Cause there's never a right time
Right time to say goodbye
(Ganyan yang mga yan e! Haha)
After our class, nag-aya akong uminom sa Tierra Linda (tambayan namin) E kasi naman e. T.T And then ayun uminom nga kami. Pinigilan kong wag na munang umiyak kahit ngayon lang. Dahil gusto ko lang ay uminom, uminom at uminom. Naiinis ako sa sarili ko! Kasalanan ko lahat 'to e!
Nasaktan ko pa tuloy ang babaeng pinakamamahal ko. Pero mas doble yung sakit na nararamdaman ko, when I know in fact I'm the reason why she's hurting right now. Oh damn! This is so hard! Nasasaktan ko siya and at the same time nasasaktan din ako. I feel a BIG REGRET in my heart. Oh diba? What can you say? I'm such a fool right? Oh mehn! I know. It's like one part of my heart is a complete disaster. </3
"The more you love the person, the more the pain strikes back."
Pagkauwi ko sa apartment dun na ko umiyak. Kulang na lang bumaha. I'm about to text her na pero saktong nagtext naman siya sakin ng "Bhie?:(" at nagreply naman ako agad "Po? Imissyou baby:'(" she replied "I miss you more baby.:'(" I know gusting-gusto na naming magka-ayos kami, pero ano nanaman 'to? Natatakot ako, natatakot akong mas masaktan pa ulit. Kaya di na muna ako nakipag-ayos talaga, at gusto ko rin kasi na magka-usap kami sa personal. Hay, tinopak nanananaman ako.>.<
Pati yung sina bossing sa tambayan namin, tinatanong kung napano kami ni Audrey. Dami pa lang affected pag nag-aaway kami or whatever.
The next day, I texted her "Sweet morning bhie. :* Kaen ka na po, wag ka pagutom ok? If may time ka, kita sana tayo mamaya, usap tayo. Hintayin kita bhie. I love you so much!" she replied and pumayag naman "Sweet morning baby:* Opo sige. Lunch namin neto. Wag ka din pagutom ha? I love you so much more. >:D<) Sweet pa din kami, di talaga namin matiis isa't isa. :'>
So we are already in apartment. Nahihiya pa kaming magsalita nung una pero di talaga matiis e. Naiiyak na talaga ko so I hugged her tight saying "I missed you" she said "Mas namiss kita" Di na namin pinag'usapan yung about sa nangyari. Nagkwentuhan lang kami maghapon at nagtatawanan na parang walang nangyari. (Haha. Crazy!)
Ayaw lang namin siguro mag-iyakan pa para hindi na rin kami masaktan lalo. I said "Bhie, okay na tayo ha?" she nodded. "I love you baby, I love you so much" then she said "I love you so much more" Then we kissed.. Ayeeee. :"> Hmm. I know we learned about our mistakes. :D
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After nun masasabi kong mas naging okay yung relationship namin. Parang bumalik na lahat sa dati. Sabi nga nila "There's always a rainbow after the rain." I will never ever do that thing again. Promise..
I'm lucky I've been forgiven because I will never forgive myself if I'd let go the greatest memory I've ever had. I'll keep her. I promise as long as I'm breathing. <3
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