Yes Homo {Boyf-riends} [Be more chill fanfic]

Chapter 13: anxiety

Michael's POV

I watch as Jeremy sprints out of sight. My heart was pounding and I was lightly shaking. The familiar scene rushed my brain with anxiety, Whitney Houston being sung on the other side of the door, the occasional knocks, and the fact I was in a bathroom.

'He won't wait, he's going to leave you' my brain repetitively echoed.

"No he's waiting he loves me." I try to convince myself.

I felt tears forming as there were more knock. I use my sleeve to wipe my eyes... I have to get out of here! I open the door ignoring Rich who was knocking and bolted it but I kept getting stopped and surrounded by the large crowd. I look around desperately for an exit, my breath speeding.

"Michael." Someone says and I feel a hand on my shoulder.

I flinch and turn around, it was Jake. He looked surprised when he saw the expression on my face.

"I am not in the mood." I say.

Attempting to get away but he grabs my arm.

'Jeremy left you again, it was a setup he never liked you' my brain echoes.

I try to get myself free from his grip but I couldn't.

"Michael look I'm sorry." Jake says, letting go.

"Sure you are." I groan.

"I am we were being stupid." He says.

He seemed genuine but my anxiety was too high up to come down I just groan and start running again only to trip, tears in my eyes were released as I gave up hope.

"Ha y-... wow your a mess." The familiar robotic voice said.

"Go away." I say standing up hopelessly.

Squip toward over me scanning my face, he seemed confused.

"Leave me alone." I say now lifelessly walking to the exit.

I give in my thoughts are correct, Jeremy's gone... why else would he want to be the one to leave.

"I don't understand, you kissed isn't that what you wanted?" Squip says bluntly as he floated beside me.

I break into a speed walk as my mind raced and the flashing lights didn't help.

"Go away." I repeat.

"Humans make no sense to me." He sighs.

"Can you stop! Just go back to Jeremy and leave me alone! I don't need you taunting me!" I say choking back a son and now breaking into a run.

I burst out the door only to be met face to face with Jeremy. My eyes widened... he didn't leave me. He looked down at me with pity and confusion. I let out a sigh of relief and hugged him. He hugged back. By the motion I felt I'm guessing Jeremy looked at squip who responded with.

"I have no idea."

"Did something happen?" Jeremy asks.

I didn't answer just held him tight and tried to slow my breathing.

"Don't scan him!" Jeremy snaps at squip.

"What? Don't you want to know what's wrong!?" Squip growls.

"He can tell me when he wants to." Jeremy answers.

The fear I have of being left alone again is something I will never admit to Jeremy...he would feel guilty, he would think it's his fault but it isn't it's the Squip's fault.

"I can drive us back." Jeremy says softly and I nod, calming a bit.

We get in the car and I look at my feet as Jeremy drives.

"I'm sorry for making you come." Jeremy sighs.

"What no! Don't blame yourself for anything!" I say.

"Then I also had the bright idea to be the one going out the widow." Jeremy says.

"If I can add to this conversation-" squip began.

"No you can't." Jeremy growls.

"Well that's just rude." Squip says bluntly.

"Let him talk." I mumble.

Jeremy seemed confused but didn't say anything, I was honestly curious what he would add.

"Thank you Michael! But according to my calculations if Michael were to be the one to go out the window then the neighbors would have seen him due to his bright red hoodie apposed to Jeremy's navy blue sweat shirt... if the neighbors had seen this they would have called the police or confronted Michael themselves leading to a worse situation." He says.

"Wait really!?" Jeremy says shocked.

Squip nods.

"Then I guess it could have been worse... this was probably the worst party you have ever been too." Jeremy says.

I shake my head.

"There was worse?" He asks.

I didn't answer just stared out the window.

'Loser' the voice echoed again.

I look down at my hand, it was shaking. Jeremy puts his hand on mine and smiles, still looking at the road. I sigh and lightly close my eyes. My brain was rushing with so much crap. And naturally I couldn't sleep that night. Jeremy was fast asleep on the other side of the bed, hugging his pillow. He was so cute. I just layer there continuously refreshing my text page.

I didn't sleep at all that night every time I did sleep I had a nightmare that either my parents didn't want me or Jeremy left me. But my awful night was blown out of my mind when Jeremy woke up, he seemed frustrated. He didn't seem to notice I was awake. He sat up, groaned and put his knees up to his chest.

"What's wrong?" I ask making him jump,

But he calmed almost immediately after realizing it was me. I sit up and scoot closer.

"It was just a dream." He says, his face in his hands.

"What happened?" I ask.

He looks at the ceiling.

"I honestly don't even know... it was weird.... I had it before..." he says.

"That weird." I say.

He gets up and stretches.

"What do you want for breakfast?" He asks.

I shrug and grab my phone and we go down stairs to the kitchen. I sit on a stool at the island and put my phone down.

We ended up just having cereal but Jeremy still seemed bothered by his dream. My phone buzzes in the hard counter causing me to jump. Jeremy chuckles. I smile sheepishly and pick it up. It was my mom.

'We thought it through and we love you and accept you... we are so sorry honey, we want to be there for you... how about we go camping you can invite your boyfriend and we can get to know each other'