hello!!
remember how i made a joke about not updating for three weeks?
whoops
im really sorry about that. we had to move very suddenly and we only just got settled in last night. that's really my only excuse for not updating.
i'm not gonna do an author reveal on here just because i'm already annoying as shit with all of these author notes, but if you want, feel free to head on over to my instagram (pentagram.emoji) i do some lowkey modelling there and that's where you'll see my best self hahaha
okay i'll stop rambling. enjoy and i'm sorry this has taken so long!! love u all am
(also warning this has homophobic slurs at the end!!)
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we need to talk
the words on dan's screen terrified him. they sent a chill down his spine, and to him, it almost felt like someone had dumped ice water sown the back of his shirt. his fingers shook as he typed a simple reply.
okay.
immediately after pressing send, he scrambled out of bed and out of his front door, making a beeline for reagan's house. he opened the door and shouted a greeting, hearing it echo throughout the house.
a head poked out from the kitchen doorway, and dan stopped in his tracks, hands pulling nervously on his sweater. the corners of those blue eyes crinkled as his pink lips curled into a soft smile.
"she's taking a shower. you can wait up in her room." phil informed.
dan hid his face, giving nothing but a nod. "th-thanks,"
he turned on his heel and headed up the stairs. he let himself into reagan's room and flopped into the bed. he drummed his fingers on his stomach and stared at the ceiling, thinking about all of the things that could possibly go wrong in this conversation with corey. his phone buzzed in his pocket and he dug it out, reading the small text on his screen.
corey🙈: i'll be at your house in fifteen.
the pit in dan's stomach burst, and in less than two seconds, dan was reduced to a shaking ball of anxiety.
the bedroom door opened, and reagan stepped in, wearing nothing but a towel. she shrieked upon seeing dan on her bed, clutching her towel like her life depended on it.
"jesus, dan! at least knock on the bathroom door and let me know you're here. i just about pissed myself!" her smile dropped as soon as she recognised the look on dan's face. "oh lord. what's happening?" and with that, dan burst into tears.
he was tired of crying. he cried over phil, because he gave dan feelings he knew he shouldn't have. he cried over corey, because dan loved him, but not in the way corey wanted him to. he cried over the scary text messages he was getting from unknown numbers. and he cried over himself, because he couldn't get his fucking life together. he was sick of it.
"oh, love. my love, what's happened?" reagan cooed, pulling dan into her arms. her hair dripped onto dan's face and down his forehead, but he didn't care. he couldn't tell the difference between the water and his tears anymore.
she rocked him gently, hushing him and kissing the top of his head, whispering encouragements every few seconds.
dan took several deep breaths, pushing off of reagan's chest and wiping his eyes. he stood up and shivered. "I n-need t-t-to go-o," he whispered.
reagan held his hand, looking up at him. she was concerned, and it only made dan want to cry more. "what's going on, sweet? please just tell me that."
dan's lip quivered, and he bit it hard. "i-i'm gett-ting d-du-dumped today." he smiled as best he could and blinked, feeling hot tears spring from his eyes and down his cheeks again.
he squeezed reagan's hand once before tugging it away. he turned and left her room, walking silently down the stairs and slipping out of the house, ignoring reagan's calls and phil's questions if he was okay.
no, i'm not.
he crossed the yard and entered his house once again, texting corey to let himself in when he arrived.
he walked into the bathroom and splashed cold water on his face. he caught a glimpse of himself in the mirror and nearly cried again. he eyes were bloodshot and puffy, yet they looked sunken all at once. his face was patchy and red from rubbing his cheeks. he looked like he hadn't slept in days. he felt like it too.
he sighed and turned off the light, padding into his bedroom and curling up on top of his bed, hiding his face in his blankets.
i'm not ready.
downstairs, the front door opened, and dan went rigid. bile rose in his throat, yet he forced it down, ignoring the pounding he could feel in his palms and hear in his ears. he knew the steps coming up the stairs were corey's yet they seemed so unfamiliar now.
his bedroom door opened and dan drew in a sharp breath, trying to control his shaking hands. he didn't turn over, and corey didn't move from the entrance to his room.
it was silent for a few moments before he spoke up.
"i loved you, dan howell."
dan's eyes screwed shut. his heart stopped beating for a moment as it kept into his throat. he swallowed thickly. corey kept talking.
"i would think of you, and my heart - not even just my heart - i hurt because i was bursting with adoration, affection, and love for you."
dan could feel tears springing to his eyes again. his throat and jaw were tight, and he tried to swallow again, but his mouth was dry.
"i have a lot i need to say, but there isn't enough time to say it. i'm meeting elliott in fifteen minutes." dan made an involuntary noise at the boy's name. "that's one of the things."
"i know you cheated on me multiple times. before and after that night," he paused. "and i can't apologise enough for what i did to you."
"we need to end things now before it becomes too toxic."
that was the last push. the final poke at dan's heart that made him break down for the second time in less than a half an hour. he knew it was coming, and he knew it was for the best. hell, his feelings for corey were almost completely diminished. but he felt his heart shatter. and it hurt more than he could say.
corey crossed the room and sat on his bed, rubbing dan's back. "please don't cry, baby. i know, i know how it feels. i'm feeling it too, because i haven't stopped loving you, even after all this. but i can't love stay with someone who doesn't love me back."
dan nodded quickly, a small sob sounding through the sleeve of his sweater. "i kn-know. i'm so s-s-so-sorry," he whimpered.
corey's hands on his back were soothing, but dan could feel the hesitance. he needed to go, but dan's breakdown was only making this more difficult. gradually, the hand slowed to a stop before disappearing altogether. corey stood up and walked back toward the door.
"i love you, dan howell."
another sob caught in dan's chest. he didn't want it to end like this. he needed something, anything.
"p-pl-please c-corey. k-kiss m-m-me one mo-more t-ti-time." i need this.
corey sighed, and dan could hear how much he was hurting in that small puff of air.
"i can't, daniel. i'd never be able to let you go."
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new message from: unknown number.
goddamn faggots. they can't stay with just one person, can they?
