All Thanks To a Piece Of Paper (ForthBeam)

-9-

        After Tae kissing me, Krist was awkward around me the kissing Tae situation. Even an hour later, he just left with just a 'good bye'. Sure, it hurt, but I got over it fairly quickly.

        Is it wrong that I don't feel guilty about kissing Tae? I can't help it. I feel bad for Krist for lying to him all the time about tae. Besides, what if Krist is just going to throw me away once he's down playing around with me?

        Now, all I can feel in my body is worry. Worry if Tae hates me. Worry if Krist just wants to use me. Worry if I can't control myself and I go unstable. I need something. I have the need to hurt myself. I've been clean for so long...

       I reach over behind my bed and grab my journal with a pen. I open it up to a new page, and start writing:

       I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore. Why do I have feelings for two boys at the same time? One, my boyfriend, the other, my brother. It's so wrong. What is wrong with me? I don't want to hurt either of them, but I already did. The thing is, I want to be with Tae, but I also want to be with Krist. Why can't I chose? I don't know who is better for me. I wish Tae never found out about that letter. I just want things back to the way they were. I just want my big brother back. 

       I rip out the page viciously, so hard that I lose grip on the paper and it floats in the air. I don't even bother grabbing it from midair. I watch it as swings back and forth while floating down, hitting the floor. I look over the bed, and it landed almost under the bed, just barely peeking out to make it look noticeable.

       I already feel the stress, confusion, and anger lifting off my shoulders, the tightness in my chest is loosening up, the dizziness that filled my mind is disappearing. I potentially feel better.

       Now, time to rip it up.

       I swing my legs around and touch the floor to get up. Before I can reach down to grab my letter, the door opens suddenly revealing Tae.

       I sit up straight and move over on the bed to hide the letter so Tae doesn't see it. I don't want him reading this one.

       "Tee, I- .... I need to explain something," Tae says plainly and walks into the room, shutting and locking the door, then sitting next to me. "I'm sorry," he whispers.

        I look over at him with widened eyes. He's sorry? He does sound genuine and sincere. But, what if he's lying? Tae wouldn't lie o me though, Tae doesn't lie.

       "Sorry? For what?" I ask and scoot a little bit so I can sit closer to him.

       "For everything," Tae sighs and runs a hand through his thick black hair. "I'm sorry for almost ruining your first relationship, I'm sorry for kissing you, I'm sorry."

       "Oh, shut up," I cut him off while placing my hands on the back of his neck and pull him close to smash my lips on top of his.

       What am I doing? Obviously cheating on my boyfriend with my older brother. But, I still don't feel censurable. It's so horrible, I'm horrible.

       I like this, though. I like this felling of Tae's soft lips against mine. I love that I get all of these different feelings while being with Tae than I do with Krist. The fuzziness in my stomach, the heart explosion, the mind spinning, the body tingling feelings, are amazing and I love them. Surprisingly, I only get them when I'm with Tae.

       I'm in love with Tae.

       Tae kisses me back eagerly and pushes against me, to lay  us down with him on top of me. I give in, and it happens. Having Tae on top of me always excites for me, it's wrong of me to think that with my brother. Oh well, who cares?

        Tae runs his hands up my shirt, feeling around my stomach and chest, making me shiver. Our lips part, making our tongues meet together roughly. tae sets his legs on either side of my waist, and grinds his hips down against mine. I let out groan, causing Tae to pull away from our kiss.

        I give him a puzzled look, but all he does is take off his shirt, drops it on the ground, and grin down at me. I widen my eyes and trail my eyes to his chest and kept staring. Looking t Tae shirtless is so fascinating, I don't know what it is, he's just so attractive.

        He grabs the hem of my shirt and slip it off of me easily,and dropping it next to his shirt. I feel my cheeks get hot. Tae smirks again and leans down, kissing my neck. I shudder and tangle my fingers in his black hair, tugging on it because of the tension that's built in my body.

       I want more.

        I shakily feel his chest, down his stomach, and rest them at his lap area. Tae gasps against my neck, and leans over, kissing me aggressively again.

        This is so overwhelming. Tae and I actually being like this, both of us want to do this kind of stuff with each other. Then, all of sudden, Krist pops up in my head. I'm actually cheating on him, on my first boyfriend. On the first person I've ever had a relationship with.

        Instinctively, both tae and I pull away and stare at each other in amazement. Clearly, I'm surprised that we just had a make out session with our shirts off. Tae looks pleased with himself, that he got to be able to do this with me, well, have me cooperate this time. I am also pleased, but, the guilt is starting to make the pleasure leave.

        "I love you, Tee," Tae whispers and hugs me tightly.

        A smile comes across my face and tears rim my eyelids. I know since we're brother, 'i love you', doesn't mean anything. But since Tae just kissed me, took off our shirts, and smiled, genuinely, I know he means it. Tae never sounds like this when he states our brotherly love. This is so much different. The tone in his voice is even different. It makes a warm fuzzing feeling fill my chest, it's amazing.

        "I love you , too, Tae," I murmur into his shoulder and hug him tightly, as well.

        A few minutes after our embrace, we let go of each other, and Tae still has a smile on his face, which makes me keep my smile. He must be seriously happy with what just happened.

        "I'll get our shirt," He chuckles slightly and reaches over to grab our shirts.

        To think that everything will be find, and I will be getting my shirt handed to me. I was wrong. Tae doesn't sit up with our shirts, he sits up with a piece of paper.

        The letter.

To be continued...

Notes: How was the previous chapter going? 555.. I can see that a lot of people are curious weather they are  true brothers or being adopted. Why don't we find out on the next chapter? But, for now let me have my rest first okay? The next chapter will be published by tomorrow morning/afternoon na. And thanks for the comment and votes too. I haven't got time to reply your comment but I always do read it. So, I hope I can replying you all by tonight, okay mai?