All Thanks To a Piece Of Paper (ForthBeam)

-23-

   As Tae kept his lips on my neck, his hands on my waist, his body pressing against mine, I decide that this is the best opportunity to be in control of this matter. Although Tae is older and bigger than me, I want to be in charge right now.

   I firmly place my hands on his shoulders, roll to once side, and almost immediately flipping us so I'm on top him. Once I did the quick movement, Tae's eyes lightened up and his signature smirk replaced his surprised look.

   "If you wanted to be on top-"

   Without thinking, I demand pleadingly, "Take me home," before he could finish the rest of his sentence.

   Before any reply came from Tae, he sat up quickly, nearly knocking me off of his lap. "You want me to what?"

   "Take me home, please," I repeat almost feeling guilty as those wretched words left my mouth.

   "Why?' tae furrows his brow and becomes tense with his arms wrapped around my waist.

   I don't have an answer to his question, I don't really know why I want him to take me home. Wait, I do know why. I want to escape from my parents. I want to spend the rest of my life with Tae. I want to be able to actually move in with him. Not worrying about Mom or Dad trying to break us apart. Is that wrong? Now, I start to develop an uncomfortable feeling settle in the pit of my stomach.

   Out of nowhere, I feel my plan backfiring.. guilt envelopes my chest, making it hard for me to breathe. I don't want to just prance in Tae and Prae's apartment just wanting to live there. That shouldn't be done. Neither Tae nor Prae would want me staying here by any conditions just yet....

   "Ne-... never mind," I look down at the bed sheets so I could avoid Tae's eye contact.

   "Tee," Tae says softly and trails his hand up my back underneath my shirt, "you can tell me anything. What are you thinking about?"

   "I just want to be with you," I mutter lowly, "not Mom and Dad."

   Rather than hearing a sign or something that involved disappointment, Tae begins to chuckle lively. What? Why is he laughing? I'm trying to be serious, but he takes it as a joke. Well, now I'm just acting like a selfish child, that could be why he's laughing at me.

   "Why didn't you say so?" Tae easily lifts me off his lap and searches for a shirt in his closet. Once he slipped it over his head and through his arms, he looks at me. I look back at him, still processing what he just said to me. "Well? Are you changing your mind at last minute? Does that mean I put on a shirt all for nothing?"

   My cheeks heat up and I shake my head. "Yes- I mean, no. I'm ready to go when you are."

   Without any further conversation, Tae and I rush out of the apartment and into his  car. As he begins driving us to my house, I can't help but gain terror and guilt to overwhelm my body. What would Mom and Dad think? What would they do? How does Tae feel about this? He seems that he's really up to the idea of having I with him and whatnot, nut what if he's just saying that? I don't want to disappoint him or make him uncomfortable or anything like that.

   I don't want to to intrude on anything he and Prae were planning on doing for the apartment while living together. It's a decent sized apartment and it fit for two people. I don't want to put anybody in a bad situation. I don't want to become the bad guy or have Prae dislike me after we just nearly become friends.

   These thoughts and questions are beginning to give me a headache. I don't think I can do anything now. I'm just making a huge mistake.

   "Now you've gotten quiet, Tae grins and holds my left hand while still driving.

   "I'm always quiet," I giggle slightly and squeeze his hand for comfort to die down my nervousness.

   "Are you okay, though?"

   "No," I sigh and look down at our hands.

   "Are you sure you want to do this?"

   "Is it okay if I do?"

   "Of course, why wouldn't it be?"

   For my response, I shrug. I don't know how to reply to him. Why wouldn't it be okay for me to take charge in my life and make decisions for myself? I've always followed through with other people but they don't do the same with me. I've always had to charge for other's whether I liked it or not. I don't know how confronting my parents wouldn't be okay.

   Tae stops car, and parks it. I look out the window and my eyes travel to my house. My heart sinks like an anchor down to my stomach. I don't think I can do this. I've never made an appearance or tried  to stand up  for myself, but if I ever did, it always hit right back a me, making any position I've been in even worse.

   "Do you want me to come in with you?" Tae asks and unbuckles his seat belt.

   "No, no," I say and stop him from making any further movement, "Just stay here. If I'm not out in ten minutes, then you can come and get me."

   "Alright," he sighs. I open the door, but Tae grips my arm and pulls me close to him. "Good luck in there," he pecks my lips, and finally sets my arm free.

   Smiling, I get out of the car, but leave the door open. My heart quickens as my stomach feels like it's going to explode.

   I reach the front door and place my hand on the handle. I don't think I can actually build up the nerve say anything. I don't even know what to say. Why am I so nervous?

   I check the door handle, and it's unlocked. My knees buckle, causing me to fall down, I can't even feel the pain. My breaths began to shorten, making my head feel light.

   "Tee..!"

To be continued...