All Thanks To a Piece Of Paper (ForthBeam)

-10-

Good morning! As I promised last night, Today I will give you a new chapter. Hopefully you guys like it and have a bless day everyone. 

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      I keep quiet as Tae reads the letter. I know that if I try to do anything to make him not to read it, it wouldn't work. Tae would do something like sit on top of me and read it. Why didn't I just rip it up when I had the chance?

     Tae looks up at me after reading, he almost looks angry, but the anguish is clearly shown in his eyes. I don't want him to be disappointed or mad again. He was the one that gave me this idea for writing letters then ripping them up instead of self harming.

     "Tee.." He growls under his breath and crumbles he paper in his hand. "We are not brothers."

     I widen my eyes and my heart falls into the pit of my stomach. I can feel tears come, ready to fall from my eyes down my cheeks. Why do I feel so sad?

     But, we aren't brothers? What is that supposed to mean? Is he trying to imply something? This is utterly confusing. He's not meaning that one of us is adopted, now that's just insane. We are blood - related brothers, nothing else, right?

     Then again, we don't look anything alike. Most siblings do. I have black hair, he has black hair too. He has hazel eyes, I have chocolate. He's tall, I'm short. We're completely not opposites right? I mean he looks exactly like a mixture of mom and dad, as I on the other hand, don't resemble them at all. Why am I thinking about this anyway? I'm just trying to psych myself out.

      "W- What do you mean?" I say as my throat feels like it's dried out.

      Tae snaps out of his anger mood, and looks at me shocked and sad. Was he not supposed to say that or something? Is he hiding something from me? We're close as can be, there shouldn't be any secret in between us.

      What if there are secrets he's hiding from me? Am I adopted? That's so crazy to think about. It's not true. I would have been told earlier from either mom or dad. Why is this happening now?

      Maybe we aren't related because siblings don't like kissing each other. On the other hand, Tae and I do intimate stuff almost every night and we enjoy it. Why is it like that? Why is our relationship so different?

     "I shouldn't have said that," Tae whispers and shakily puts on his shirt. "I'm so sorry, Tee. Just pretend that I didn't say anything, alright?" Tae says and runs out of our room before I could say anything else to him.

     I sit there, in complete bewilderment. I don't know what's he talking about. Only the worst possibilities come to mind. Like, one of us being adopted, or Tae isn't Tae, now I'm just thinking of fantasy popping into my head. What is wrong with me?

    "Tee! Dinner time!" Mom calls out from the kitchen table.

     I get up, but regret it immediately. I feel like I'm carrying dead weight, and I can't move. I don't want to be near Tae at this moment. I don't want to look at him or speak to him. I feel like I would die if I did, or just break out crying.

     I make it out of my room stably and to the kitchen. Tae, mom, and dad are sitting at their usual seats as the table, leaving one space for me. I notice Tae glanced at me, and then looking away instantly. I feel sick.

    I sit at the table, poking at my food, while Tae eats, and mom and dad are having their usual conversation about work. Then a thought hit me up. What if I brought up that horrific idea that I've been thinking about? Mom and dad will surely tell me the truth, unlike Tae.

    I clear my throat and everybody turns their attention to me. Wow! That was fast reflection. "I have something I would like to ask."

    "What is it, sweet - pea?" Mom asks and smiles.

    "Well, am I - uh.." I can't think of the right choice of words to use in this question. Maybe I should just blurt it out, I'm good at doing that. "Am I adopted?"

     They all drop their silver were making clinking noises. Tae looking down at his lap, frowning. Mom and dad look at me sympathetically. Silence. I don't want this as an answer. I need someone to speak up, not leaving me hanging on the table on the edge by my finger nails.

     "We were waiting for the right timing.." Mom sighs and tries to pull on a smile.

     "Well, son, your mother and I couldn't have any more children after Tae was born, so we adopted you," Dad nods and starts finishing the dinner.

      I didn't want the answer either. I would have liked, 'where did you get the idea from?' or, 'of course not.' This is my worst nightmare ever. It explains why Tae and I have been treated differently, he would get more attention than me, up until mom and dad found out about my addiction.

      "When did you figure it out?" Mom looks away and also starts eating.

      "I was just thinking about it," tears stinging my eyes.

      I can't cry now, I have to remain strong. This is just the ugly truth. On the other hand, it's beautiful. It means that it's not wrong what Tae and I been doing. But, since we've been taught be to brothers our whole lives, it's kind of askew I suppose.

     I excuse myself from the dining table, leaving my dishes out and head immediately to my room closing the door behind me. I need to do something that helps the pain go away. Writing letter doesn't seem to help anymore, it only causes trouble nowadays. It has been for a while, I need to do something else. I need to break my promise, again.

     I reach inside my pillowcase, taking out my lighter and hair barrette. I lift up my right sleeve, revealing recent scars from a little while ago. I click the button on the barrette to have it open, so I can hold on to the part where it doesn't get warm, and the metal is sticking out. I light up the lighter with my right hand, heating up the metal.

     After a few seconds, the metal is warm enough. I click off the button of the lighter to get the fire out, and press the hot metal against my skin. I bite the inner part of my cheek and take in the intense shock, than relief overwhelms me afterwards.

    "Tee, I'm so.. What are you doing?!" Tae barges through the door, closing it again and I hear the snap of the lock.

     I throw the objects across the bed and pull my sleeve down. "I didn't know how else to deal with the pain," I murmur and have a couple tears fall effortlessly down my cheeks.

    "Tee," Tae sighs and sits on the bed, pulling me into his lap, hugging me close to him.

     Now, I burst out crying on his shoulder. I can't help it. Why am I such a cry baby? I wrap my arms around his waist as his are around my shoulders. He soothingly rubs my back and forth until I stop sobbing on his shoulder.

     "I'm sorry," I whimper and pull myself closer to him. "I love you," I say quietly and feel my tears stop running from my eyes.

      "I love you, too, baby brother," I can feel his lips smile on my cheek, making me smile.

      I love hearing that words.

To be continued...