All Thanks To a Piece Of Paper (ForthBeam)

-1-

          There is nothing wrong with the relationship that big brother and I have. He's mine and I'm his. He protects me. Make me feel better when I'm upset. We're together all the time. We're inseparable. Nothing can come between us. Not age. Not school or class. Not family. No gender. No blood. And I do love my big brother "Tae" after all. 

           I tear out the paper of my journal after I write my last sentence. I re-read what I wrote, smile sadly, then rip it up to little, tiny pieces.

           I feel the weight being lifted off of my shoulder. The tightness in my chest, being released. The butterfly swarm stop. I feel better. I feel like I just told a secret and I didn't get judge of it. Well, I did only tell the true secret to myself and I didn't think any different about my feeling.

           I lay back on my bed, still smiling. What has gotten me to be so happy? Is it that I just told the truth to myself? I've been thinking for a days now. Weeks even. I don't know why.

         Why do I feel so fuzzy around Tae anyway? It doesn't make sense to me. I like girls for christ sake. Not my older brother.

        "Tee?" Tae comes into my room looking at me curiously. "Why are you in here all alone? Usually we would both in here together," He sits next to me on the bed after making his statement. "And why are there pieces of ripped paper on the bed?"

          I quickly sit up and pick up the paper before Tae can get a hold of them. Some of the sentence are still noticeable.

        "You should know. You are the one who told me about this therapy technique," I sign and keep picking up the scraps of paper.

        "What was it about this time, Tee?" Tae rubs my back and his voice become serious.

        I feel all fuzzy. Why do I feel like this? I don't like him. He's just my older brother. Just barely older than me. He's twenty two year old, I'm twenty. He's exactly two year, but who's counting right?

        "Nothing important," I said looking away from him while I finish cleaning up the paper mess.

        He stays silent while I pick up the last piece of paper. I hop out of bed and throw away the paper with ink on them into the garbage can.

        The fuzzy feeling left after I moved away from Tae. What does it mean? Am I just crazy?

        "Clearly it was important if you were going to hurt yourself about it," Tae stretches his arm wanting a hug.

        I smile quickly and scurry over him and hug him tightly. The fuzzy feeling is back.

        I know what's make me smile, Tae being such a good big brother to me. That's all he ever should be to me. A good big brother.

        "Tae, its nothing, really," The lie slips out of my mouth with a fake smile added to it as I hug Tae tightly.

        "Tee, you better not be lying to me," Tae says and squeezes me tightly so my face is hidden in his chest.

        I can feel my cheek reddening once he did that. But since he can't directly see my face, I don't have to worry about him seeing my bride red cheek.

       I situate my body so I'm fully in his lap with my arms around his waist. I'm that small. Tae can even pick me up with one arm. I'm the weighted short child. As for Tae, he's tall and kind of  a muscular one. He can attract anybody with the way he looks.

      "I'm not lying to you. Would I ever do that to you, big brother?" I mumble in his chest, loud enough so that he can hear me.

      "Yes, you would, actually. It's sad to think about," Tae chuckles at his own joke.

      I pull out his grip and glare up at him, I just noticed how I'm sitting on top of him is highly inappropriate. I'm straddling his waist, pressed up against him. But we've sit like this together before. Now I feel so weird. Like, more than a fuzzy feeling, like a buzzing ring. I wonder what Tae thinks of this position. Thank god I'm wearing jeans at this moment.

     "I wouldn't ever lie to you, Tae," I growl.

     But come to think of it, I realise that I would lie to him. I have before and of course, he never noticed. I only do that to keep Tae from getting hurt. It doesn't make sense of why I'm like this. Tae never lied to me, so why should I to him?

       "Whatever you say, Tee," Tae leans back on the head board. "Just, you know you can tell me anything that's bothering you, right?" He slowly lowers his hands down from my neck, to my waist. I nod.

        My face flushed. My stomach gets that tickling sensation when Tae grabs my waist with both of his hands. I hate this feeling. The fuzziness feeling is all over my body. I feel so uncomfortable, but I like it.

       "I know," I smile sweetly, trying to forget the fact of how Tae is holding me.

       "Then tell me what's wrong," He smiles back and pulls me closer to him.

        Why is he doing this? He's making it seem like we're some couple about to cuddle or something. We're brothers for god's sake. He doesn't like me that way, and I don't like him that way either.

        Now I'm just lying to myself. 

        But look at those stunning eyes. The annoying voice in the back of my head sings.

        I have to admit, Tae has a beautiful eyes. They look amazing in any kind of light, night or day. I love his black yes.

        No, down't listen to that stupid voice! I think to myself.

        And his amazing facial features and jaw dropping body structure. You know you love it. The voice coos.

         Tae has a couple of times made me gasp, widen my eyes, or made my jaw drop to the floor in the past. When I would seen him get dressed, or step out of the shower, I feel like I'm about to die. His body is amazing. He has the body of a model. The way he looks is gorgeous.

         No! Stop thinking about this stupid stuff!

         "It's you," I blurt out without even realizing what I said until I saw the look on Tae's face.

To be continued..

Note: Sorry guys for this not so wonderful story.  But hey, I just write for fun & imagination and I know that some of you will feel disgust with my story but it's up to you tho. You have the right not to read if you feel that way. (I also know that people can't really digest for the way my story is. As I mention before on my author notes.) So, I won't force you to read it  naa~  I hope you guys can enjoy this story if you want to know what happened next. Have a blessed day everyone! :)