Forever alone(complete)

Heartbroken

I found out today.

I couldn't believe it.

I know I mentioned it earlier, it's just, it hurts when you know it for sure. When it's confirmed.

It's like you're in the sky flying, and suddenly something pulls you to the ground and breaks you into a thousand pieces.

I literally felt like running out of the classroom and bursting into tears.

Or jumping out of the window.

That actually seemed like a good idea, but it had grills.

And I couldn't take out my blade in class.

My head ached as I scolded myself.

Why had I allowed myself to think that he liked me back?

I had asked Pillu, and she said he might.

I said that it was just a false hope.

At one point, he came up to me and said that my false hope was false.

At first I was like what the hell are you talking about?

And then I realised, oh my god.

How did he get to know, that's up to him, but what am I going to do now? Thank god there weren't tears streaming down my face yet.

I had cared for him, but I can't exactly make him love me. And I didn't want him to either, my emotions got the better of me.

And then again, it's not like anyone likes me, as anything.

And I couldn't change that in any way.

*a few days later*

I can't handle it anymore. I sat in the bus, and asked Aanish how to die.

He showed how, and I know, you're probably like what the hell?

Thing is, we had a massive fight where I was arguing that I wasn't changing my mind on dying, and he was like,"You know what? I don't care if you die, don't involve me."

I fell in my seat.

If anything it made me more likely to go for it.

I took out the blade in the bus, and I put my hand how he told me to. I bled a bit, but it healed quickly.

Why? I wanted to cut more, but it hurts a lot.

Soon, Aanish started talking again.

And he said that he hated me. I know he doesn't care, but then why do I care for him?

Because he deserves it. Anna was mad at him, so I made a promise to her that she had to forgive him, he deserved a second chance.

Look where that got me.

I hated myself, no one seemed to care anyway.

It didn't help at home either.

My mom scolded me about being an irresponsible girl.

I slammed my room door and cried.

There was one way to stop my tears, and that was impossible.

It flowed down my face as I stared at my ugly self.

I hate myself and I hate living.

I took the blade again as I pressed it deep.

Maybe I would be happier if I died.

And my last thought before I bled was that I hoped that Aanish would forgive me.
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Ok, I just wanted to write that I'm sorry to AbhiTheEnderman because I know I'm a screw up and an idiot, but you are my best friend. I know I started that stupid fight, and I want to end it so plz forgive me. It's ok if you don't, I'm the worst person you can be friends with, but you've been there, and I can't forget it.
Plz forgive me if you can I'm sorry for everything.