Be Still

Daymares to Nightmares

1....2....3....4                                                 
Ding....Ding...Ding
Screech... BOom!...Clack!...
Jack...Joshua
Sir can you hear me? Is your friend alright?
He may never wake up again! Only 10% chance!
IT'S  ALL YOUR FAULT!

The sounds that haunt me from that night, despite the accident being three weeks ago, were not nearly as bad as the grotesque images of the wreckage that constantly flash through my brain keeping me up through the night. I now lay awake on my bed, the silence not being enough to drown the memories rushing through my mind.

It was now five in the morning, and there was no point in going to sleep. I lean over to my nightstand to grab my glasses. I slip them on quickly before going to get my headphones, I put the jack into my CD player before placing them on to my round head. As apart of my punishment I wasn't allowed to have any technology, however my parents had pity on me and let me keep the small CD player. Unfortunately, the only CD's I have around are    classical and jazz. I pop a random CD into the device and I sigh as the sound of classical music clouds my thoughts. It reminds me of painting, all the pieces, parts, strokes coming together to create one masterpiece.

Speaking of painting, I shift from my bed to the chair in the corner of my room. My easel directly in front of the red swivel chair. The cast on my ankle causing a certain heaviness as I shuffle towards the chair. My ribs groaning in protest as I sit down. I first flip to a new canvas before grabbing my brushes. I grab a brush and dip it into the paint, the brush leading my hand on a magical journey.

I paint until 5:45, dark bags form under my eyes from the night, more like week, of restless sleep. A yawn graces my brown face as I gaze upon my painting. It was of a boy trapped inside four walls with no way of escape. The painting depicted my true feelings of loneliness and being trapped in guilt.

Seeing as it was now six o'clock I got ready for the day. Its funny I used to hate waking up before the alarm, now it seems I don't need one since I remain nocturnal. Nightmares the only thing keeping me from sleep.

I grab a quick sink shower before picking through my nappy curls. I dress in a blue button down and khakis before putting on a spritz of cologne. It was now 6:45 and I had nothing to do. I'd finished my homework around one after remembering I still had some. I was grounded so that basically meant no technology. So I sat in my swivel chair and looked around my room for something to do.

As I teetered back and forth my eyes stopped on the brown Bible on my nightstand. My best friend, Jackson, gave it to me. He's the preacher's kid and we we're extremely close being that my dad and mom were regular church attendees and volunteers. We're best buds, but because of my stupidity we're both in a place we should not be.

As I stare at the book a certain rage fills me. Its persistent. It fills me whenever I hear the pastors praying over Jack in church, or when we were in the hospital and I spotted my parents and Jack's parents praying over us.

Why did they pray, why did they turn to God, when they heard that there was damage to Jack's brain and he may never wake up? The anger is so strong, it makes me what to scream.

Why did they pray? God clearly abandoned us out on that back road. There was no one around to help. I sat stuck watching my friend bleed profusely from his head. Yet, something in the back of my mind went ' if God abandoned you how are you here.' However, I often ignored that voice.

My attention turns back to the Bible as I feel a small pressing on my heart. A sudden urge to read the book. I tried to ignore and look for anything else to do, but I came up empty.  The pressing on my heart grew stronger and I shuffled to my nightstand and picked it up.

I flipped it open to find a page already book marked. It read,"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." ( John 16:33).
I thought if you were Christian you wouldn't really have trouble in your life, no harm would come to you. Confusion swirling my mind. I felt another urge to read again, at first I tried to ignore it , but it was persistent. I picked up the book again and cracked it open. There highlighted, probably by Jack, was a verse,"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble." (Psalms 46:1)

I close the book and sit back on my bed and think about the verse. At first I thought this can't be true, God left us in times of trouble, there on that road. He's left Jack in that hospital. My thoughts began overwhelmed with thoughts of, "why did this happen?'

" Why did you leave us God? Why did you let this happen," I asked aloud as my fingers clench the sides of my mattress.
"Where are you God?"
After uttering those words I feel my heart pick up in speed. The only words turning in my mind were, " I'm right here."
Whoa! What just happened?

Hey guys, thank you so much for reading! Have a wonderful rest of your week! Love you all! God Bless! Always remember that God is still there through whatever situation. He will never leave you, and He will always love you and want the best for you!