Be Still

Airball

The day ended pretty quickly, and since I was currently impaired I always got released early. However, today Kara got called to the office, so I decided to wheel over to the gym.

As I go into the empty, dimly lit gym, I had one thing in mind. Basketball.

After hearing the news about my ankle I was devastated, it was broken in about two places. So, its safe to say that, I wouldn't be able to play for a while. At least not without a lot of work, but my physical therapist said right now is recovery road.

Despite, what my physical therapists says, basketball still turns over in my mind. Shooting hoops always helps me when I have bad stuff going on. The court was like my safe place, but now, sitting in this chair it doesn't really feel safe anymore.

I pick off a ball from the rack, and roll over towards the basket. My mind was still reeling with what happened this morning. Questions turning in my brain, making one big pile of confused mush. Was that God's voice? Why did Kara's friends come sit with me? How come she's so nice to me? Why am I in this gym if I can't do anything? Why am I here and not in Jack's place? It would be better if he didn't get hurt, and it was only me that did!

I go to the free throw line. I try to concentrate, but my head had other ideas. I lift the ball once more, lining it up with the basket, and shoot. It missed, dribbling off to the side. I wheel over and grab it, and shoot the ball five more times. Each time I missed. I was on my sixth try now, and I was frustrated. I grabbed the ball again, I dribble, and wheel to the line. Like a routine, I shoot, and it misses. Although this time, almost mockingly, the ball rolls over to my feet. This causes me to pick it up and throw it in rage. Leaving me sulking.

"Whoa, dude what'd the ball do to you," a voice calls interrupting my fuming. It was Calvin Knowles, captain of the basketball team, known for his spiky black hair, and he's undying proclamation that he was related to Beyonce. I know crazy right, but you got to admit with the last name he might be onto something.
He's a senior and an excellent player. He would always say he was there to win, and not mess around. He always stood by that message never really coming out to the parties Ethan threw, or making fun of others in the hall. He kept away from all the nonsense that I, myself, got into, and that's very admirable. At this time I wish I was more like him in the beginning.

" CK, my man," I say playing off what just happened  as we shake hands.
" Sup Joshua! How have you been," he asks before picking up the basketball I just used, swishing it in between his hands.
" I've been doing, okay," I admit," What about you?"
"I've been doing good, ready to be outta here," he says while stretching.
" I feel you brotha, you're the lucky one, I hear you guys are going to semifinals, and you've got scholarships lining up for you, so congrats."
" Thanks man, I've been working hard, gettin it in," he says.
" Very admirable of you, I respect that," I admit.
" Thank you," he says. " Now, how are you really," he asks with serious expression on his face. Totally opposite from his happy, go lucky posture from before.
" I said Im alright," I said again. Not really willing to explain the guilty and lost feelings, as well as all the pain.
" You know exactly what I mean Mckinley, you've been through something crazy, you don't have to pretend that you're okay," he says, leaving us in silence for a second before I decide to speak.
" It's been tough," I finally say," You know, after all that's happened, life has been put in perspective. I've got to get better, not only for basketball, and I've got to be a better person."I tell him honestly meaning every word.
" What do you mean by all of that," he asks thoroughly confused.
" I've been looking back, and truly seeing who the person I was before the crash. Before I was immature, mean, and misguided. I don't want to be like that person anymore. Being that person got Jack in the place he is now. I've hurt a lot of people, and I don't want to be like that anymore," I repeat as to make my statement clear.

Calvin paused for a second before speaking," Look I'm not going to lie, I've seen you do some pretty awful things. Not judging I've done some pretty horrible things as well. And I'm glad you've noticed your behavior, no one else could have helped you do that, but God. I hope that you begin to mend those things that were broken; relationships whatever that may be. And God will help you do it," he breaks before speaking again. I,myself, was listening to all he had to say. However, I became skeptical when he mentioned God, like why would he helped me, I've disrespected Him and others. After the crash, I find it hard to believe, that He still cares about me.

" I'm happy for you and I hope you grow and progress in maturity, your walk with God, and your academics and athletic career. You've got so much ahead of you. Don't get so caught up in your mistakes. We all make em, and most of the time they help us grow. Don't blame yourself for what happened to you guys. All things happen for a reason. Maybe this happened so you could grow," he finishes. I chew on his words. They were very wise, and a good piece of advice I needed right now.

"Thanks, man," I say with a nod.

" No problem, I gotta go, the buses are loading. It was good seeing you man. And hopefully you get back on your feet soon, the team will need you once I graduate," he says while backing out the doors leaving the ball in my hands.
" See you later, good seeing you to," I call back as he races off to catch his bus. Leaving me alone in the gym. Subconsciously, I swish the ball between my hands as my mind roaring with thoughts over the speech I was just given.

Even after his words I still felt the guilt, but a lot of other things were put into perspective. Like the fact, that I can be a better person.

"Hey," someone says interrupting my thoughts again. It was Kara.
"Sup," I nod.
" Someone said you were in here, so I came looking for you Your dad should be outside soon," she informs me.
"Okay, um, let's get going I guess," I say, while putting the basketball on the rack.
" Alrighty," she says politely before going around to grab my handles. How come she was being so nice? How could she even be nice to the person who hurt her?
This was bugging me much, I just had to ask.
" Why are you so nice to me," I mumble. Although, it was so quiet in the cold, vast gym I'm pretty sure she heard me.
" What do you mean," she asks innocently, although I knew she knew what I meant. You know?
" I mean how are you, so nice to me," I ask using emphasis. " I mean hello,I'm the guy who is responsible for humiliating you and possibly ruining your life!"