Dirty Holiday - (18+) (COMPLETED)

Relax

Choosing wasn't my strong suit. It never had been, waiters hated me for my lack of snappy decidings.

Approximately 8 weeks now, my baby was barely a thing still, although he or she was already a big asset to my life. I never felt lonely anymore, I couldn't feel anything yet, but I would put my hand on my stomach for comfort.

Lonliness was one of my biggest achilles heels, I wanted someone to be here, I didn't want to wake up alone, have no one to say goodnight too.

Some feelings are pretty hard to describe, the pain for that special someone to never leave my side however could all be described in a sentence; the clamping sensation of your heart, the desire for that one person to know that they're where ever they are thinking about you how you think about them, those nights you can claim you barely feel to sleep before the tears kicked in.

I would never leave my baby to be on their own, I would be their soul guardian angel.

Getting ready for work was getting easier and easier, working closer and closer to the birth I would never want to forget, teasing myself every now and again saying 'mummy' outloud.

I put my sensible flats on, grabbed my bag hastily by the handle, locked up and shuffled my way for the taxi waiting on the curb for me.

Cold and smooth against my hand opening the taxi door was another hand.

'Xander, what are you doing here so early?' I asked mentally apologising to the taxi driver.

'You can't tackle two jobs and grow a child at the same time.' He spoke loudly making me blush.

'Yes, I can and will.'

'No, Zofia you cannot. Why do you need two jobs anyway?'

'That's my business.'

'It might've been if you weren't carrying my baby.'

'We don't know that...'

'That's not my point. Do you need the money for something?' He asked hand still holding the taxi door ajar.

'It doesn't matter, I can handle this myself.' I stuck my head high and proud.

'Are we going anywhere? Anytime soon folks.' The driver said sounding slightly peed off.

Xander ignored it and kept his full concentration on me. 'I love you, I will support and provide for you.'

'Excuse me.' I said flatly trying to budge past him.

'No. This may be out of place and wrong to say, I'm going to say it anyway...'

'Go on then.' I pushed him on after a deep pause.

'If you keep working as you are you're going to kill our baby.' He whispered furiously.

'Who says its your baby?!' I snarled as the drivers head whipped in our direction attention suddenly transfixed on our drama.

'I want it to be my baby and I know you do too.'

'I'm not going to stand here and take this.'

'Fine, then go back inside and rest.'

'All I do is rest!' Xander gave me an unimpressed look. 'If I rest all I do is worry, that can't be good for the baby.'

'We won't be needing your services, I'm sorry for the delay.' Xander told the driver shutting the door and pulling me onto the pavement.

'I'm here for you.' He wasn't lying he really was.

'You can't control me!' I replied shoulders slouching as the taxi sped off.

'I want to help you. How can I help?'

I didn't want him to leave, neither did I want him to control me, I couldn't think of a common ground.

'Please Zofia, I'll do whatever is best for both you and the baby.'

'I'm lonely, I've never been a person for best girlfriends they're unreliable and bitchy. You and Lucas are the most I have.' I spat out, admitting more truth than I had wanted.

'Can we talk about the incident with my sister?' I nodded. 'Inside?'

By the time we were on the sofa with drinks in our hands I had decided Xander was right, I was working myself too hard and it would impact my baby eventually. I just wasn't ready to admit that to him.

'Tanya knows everything now, the baby and the plane. She's not sure about you although she is very sympathic. What I want to know is why you think I'm such an asshole?' Xander defeatedly lowered his head and looked at me from the corner of his eye.

'You're a better person than I've given you credit for.'

'I feel a but coming on...'

'Big hairy butt?' I laughed trying to ease the tension immaturely, Xander didn't even crack a smile.

'I'm serious about this, you're going to be an amazing mother Zofia and I want to be the father. What makes you so... Reluctant to except my love?'

'Let me ask you a question Xander, what do YOU think?'

'I think that you love Lucas, I think you're leading me on because you have noone else, I'm Lucas's replacement it's not like he's here.'

'Then why stick around?'

'Simple thing called love.' In that second I looked at him like a different man he sincerely wanted the best... 'What doesn't make sense though, is you turning up at my house. If you didn't love me you wouldn't have given toss.'

'You're right, I think part of me loves you, you've been here for me more than anyone else.' I took a sip of water giving myself time to think.

'I can except that you love Lucas now, I know you'll grow out of him.' That stab of emotion there hit me like a chainsaw full throttle straight into my heart, and the way Xander's face softened and turned towards me he noticed my change of emotion.

I carried on drinking until my glass was empty, busying my lips until I walked over to the kitchen and put my glass onto the draining board.

'I won't pester you with this anymore, you'll know in your own time.' Xander walked slowly up behind me keeping his distance.

'Please don't leave me alone.' I whimpered faintly.

'I won't leave until you ask me too, I have something for you.'

'What is it?' I swallowed hard feeling needy.

'I need you to give me permission to go to my car to get it.'

'Don't be ridiculous you can go.' I snorted.

'Urmm...'

'Hmm?'

'You need to let go of me Zofia.' He chuckled as I opened my eyes and found myself snuggled into his chest.

'Oh sorry!'

'If you don't want the present we can stay and have hugs, I don't mind.' I let go and half pushed him to the door. 'Do me a favour and close your eyes until I say so?'

I nodded frantically covering my eyes with my hands.

A whole load of shuffling and quiet swearing later I was told to open my eyes.

Xander stood infront of me smiling hands on hips. Behind him stood a crib, neutral, smooth fabric  and beautiful.

'Where our baby will get their beauty sleep.' He said laughing at my awe.

'This looks amazing Xander... Thank you so much.' I wrapped my arms around him trying not to let my tears soak into his top.

'My pleasure. Where do you want it?' He asked stroking my hair.