Dirty Holiday - (18+) (COMPLETED)

Fingers Crossed

5 days since the incident, finally the normality of a work, eat, sleep rountine was distracting me from the daunting future waiting for me.

Work was easy enough, transferring numbers from a sheet of paper to a spreadsheet. Eatting was a chore I could feel my body getting weaker and weaker but my baby just seemed to want to reject everything I put into my mouth. Sleep was good, well that was excluding the amount of times I have to get up sometimes to pee.

In the little free time I had left bouncing in between my jobs I would read some of my baby teaching book or watch some form of reality TV. Tonight after locking the door and settling into my slippers, I rejected the thought of squinting at words and turned to my dear TV.

Jeremy Kyle, that man is like marmite, you either respect him or think he's a douche. As I flicked the channel on I watched him banter between an ex 18 year old couple whom were attempting to raise up a child, but were being too immature to focus on the up bringing of their baby.

As I watched I admired Jeremy more and more. He didn't give a toss about the relationship between the ex couple whether they loved each other or not, they had chosen to keep the baby and so that life was their responsibilty now. Not seeing Lucas since the hospital had panged part of my heart, although deep down I knew I couldn't expect a man I barely knew to sweep me off my feet pushing a pram.

My life would orientate around my baby now, not me, my life would be my baby.

It's hard to describe that wait for a baby, waiting for a package of tears and poop? Eager to find out what sort of person had grown inside of me?

Some online blogs had said that being pregnant was one of the best parts of being a mummy, being able to protect their baby and carry them where ever they go. I wasn't one of those women I wanted my baby now to just pop out between my legs with no pain, protect it on the outside of my body.

Am I even mature enough to raise a child? Would I be one of those parents who send there kid to school in scruffy clothes, without breakfast and smelling of rank body odour. No of course I wouldn't let it get that bad, maybe when my baby isn't a baby anymore and is hitting puberty, temper tantrums and all, I'll lose my grip a little but until then I'm the firm boss.

Part of me had my fingers crossed on my baby being a girl, although that naivity that girls are better wasn't in me. I know all the trouble that girls can get up too, sometimes worse than boys. And even if it was a girl, I wouldn't be the greatest one to console with boy troubles.

Whilst I was sat here staring blankly at the TV, it wasn't the gender of my child I was concerned about, I wanted a father figure for my baby. I wasn't going to sit around any longer waiting for Lucas to show up, I'd go to him. Finish the unfinished business that was panging on my heart and falopian tubes...

My baby was barely showing but as I walked towards the restaurant doors I could feel people looking down and wondering "Is she fat or pregnant".

The taxi ride had gone too fast, I hadn't planned out what I was going to say, all I knew is that I couldn't hesistate to go in much longer.

Someone extied the resturant and held the door open for me, again looking down to my bump. I went inside knowing I couldn't put it off and walked up to the first member of staff I could see, Lucas's "sister" taking a tables orders.

'Can you get Lucas for me?' I blurted.

'Can't you see I'm busy?' She growled quietly.

'I'll find him myself then.'

'No you won't, it's not his shift. Come back another time.' She said turning away and giving her fabulous customer service, I really hope the sarcasm was thick on that one.

I glanced around the restaurant quickly before pulling open the door and walking out, as I walked away I heard feet slap behind me on the pavement. 'Zofia?'

I spun around and saw Lucas smiling down at me. 'Why are you here?'

'I needed to talk to you.'

'You can talk to me now. I'm listening.'

'I want you to answer a question.'

'Ask me.'

'Honestly.'

'What is it?'

'Do you have any feelings towards me?' I asked suddenly feeling my heart pound against my ribcage.

'Of course.'

'Then I would like for you to come to my house tomorrow once you've finished your shift, whatever the time I will wait up for you.'

'Why can't you just talk to me now?'

'We're on the middle of the street. Do you not want to come over?'

'I do, it's just... My shift doesn't end until late and you need your sleep.'

'Just please come, I need to sort this out.' I begged.

'Okay.'

'Just okay? Is that all you have to say?'

'You said you didn't want to have a discussion on the street so go home. I'll try to see you tomorrow. Go rest.'

Baby-induced dreams tend to wake the mind with a little shock, I had dreamt all night about giving painless birth and holding on to my baby. Both Xander and Lucas stood at the sidelines gormless. I got dressed quickly for work knowing that tonight I'd get a chance to share my feelings with Lucas.

The days work was tough, though luckily it zoomed by and within a second of locking my door there was a knock.

I shakily opened it, briskly my shoulders dropped as I realised I had been anxious over nothing, it of course was Xander.

'My sister said you came over, you thought I was having an affair?'