Dirty Holiday - (18+) (COMPLETED)

Teach Me How to Breathe

Frankily no one knows what theyre doing in a time of desperation, how can one person attempt and appear to be cool headed.

As relieved as I felt after that release, at the same time I was so angry at myself. My anger enraging me so much that all that crowded my mind were three words 'Xander' 'Lucas' 'Baby' over and over again they cycled round and round like a taunting mobile.

My eyes stung all my emotions were crawling up my spine, I couldn't cry though what weakness would that be?

I felt alone despite the fact I had my baby with me all the time and Xander and Lucas fighting over me, just an aching feeling in my chest.

Pregnancy hormones... There's no way to describe them except madness. I couldn't stay in a world of revolving emotions around my head. I had to rid of it, not chemically, physically and I had such an idea that didn't involve sex - mummy classes.

Half an hour after sneaking out Xanders house I made it to the local community centre. It wasn't exactly the most clean place the thought of getting someone elses sock fluff on my hands was unpleasant, this wasn't a good idea at all what was I thinking bringing myself here.

'Hi there, can I help you?' A door shut and a woman approached me with a deflated yoga ball.

'I was just looking around-'

'Are you looking to join our maternal yoga classes?'

'I was thinking about it.' I answered wishing instead I had told the lady it was horrifically rude to assume I was a mother to be.

'Well go on in! I'll be one minute I just need to blow up this ball.'

I was hoping that she would disappear so I could dart out the front door, unfortunatly though she was quite persistant and even opened the door for me.

The room was fairly large, multicoloured yoga mats all over the place with women ranging to balloon sized tummies to tennis ball sized, all women were faced towards one direction, each of them leaning into a mans arms probably their husbands arms...

The door slammed behind me, snapping me out of my jealous daze, attracting everyones attention the women with the now inflated balloon entered the room.

'Everybody, this lovely lady here is looking to join our classes, so let's show her what we get up too. Breathing exercises everyone, take one deep breath in through your nose filling all the way to the bottom of your lungs, and breath  out expelling all that CO2. Now start to speed up your breathing.' She talked them step by step on how to breathe, a class that taught you how to breathe and how would this benefit your life?

'Right, daddys can you all move to the back of the room, its mummy yoga time!' The instructor pulled a mat of her own out and laid it before the mums to be. 'Lay on you backs with your feet flat on the ground, press your palms into the floot and lift your hips up. Breathe deeply and hold until you feel it strains, after that I want you to hug your knees into your tummy and make small circles.'

The instructor stood up from her mat and came over to me. 'So are you interested?'

'I don't... My husband would be too busy at work to come.' I lied.

'That's alright sometimes it's nice to do things independantly.' She said seeming oblvious to the fact I would be the only single mother to be here. 'First session is free but after that sessions cost £15 an hour.'

'I'll go home and discuss it with my husband, thank you.' She was lucky I chose that response I was turning towards telling her where she can stick £15 for teaching people how to breathe.

I smiled and left without any intention at all of ever rolling on that filthy floor, I had to stiffle a laugh that was coming from a women who had sex in a toilet.

A few weeks later down the line I had gotten back into the normal routine of life, a slightly puffy tummy reminding me that soon I wouldn't get very much more me time, even with that in mind my life hadn't got any more interesting... Well that wasn't completely true nearly every week new symptons were occuring and I would be on mumstobe.net typing away to hear back from similar people suffering similar things. What would we do if we lost the internet nowadays?

Part of me wanted to give birth now and get it all over, but the other side knew that it was going to be hell... The birthing pains, the sleepless nights. Does anyone have children on purpose who is sane?

Xander at Lucas weren't really a problem... They both popped in now and then but nothing went beyond friendly, I think they too were getting used to the situation.

A/N- Hey guys! I know its been a while since my last update and this is only a short chapter to ease that tension right back up! Thanks for following! Vote for a christmas update!