Beaten, Bruised, and Kissed

Chapter 10

"Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem." Phil Donahue

(edited by Grammer.ly and totally not sponsored just really love their website)

*TRIGGER WARNING*

Tiana's P.O.V

I'm strangely at peace. Today's the day I'm going to die, and I'm okay with that. I deserve this. It's an end to the pain I've been through and I can't wait.

I see everything differently now. The hallways, once a puke green, now almost reminding me of nature, making me one with the world. The people saying nasty things about me are just motivators. I no longer shrivel in my own skin; with my shoulders back, I walk proudly down these hallways. I take it all in because this is the last time I'll have to do this.

Breath.

My mother always told me to take deep breaths when I'm nervous or scared; it helps calm the senses, but right now, I'm neither. I just want to enjoy the sensation - one of the last times I get to.

This feels right. This feels okay. I'm finally going to be okay.

I don't see Ryder for the rest of the day, but I don't let it bother me. He's probably celebrating anyway. I just pray for the next girl he ruins; hopefully, he never hurts another girl like he has to me.

But he won't be my problem much longer.

I snap out of my peaceful haze and get to work. First things first, I have to find Persephone.

I send her a text to meet up with me. Luckily, she doesn't ask any questions. As she likes to say, "business is business."

From what she knows, she probably thinks I'm buying it for protection.

At lunch, I go to her "office" aka, the girls' bathroom. Specifically, the third stall that everyone thinks is always clogged. It's not the coziest place in the world as it is only meant to fit one person.

Persephone takes out a Rubix cube and sets in on the lid of the toilet. I look at her like she's gone mad.

"I want my office to feel homely. Sue me." I laugh a little but it doesn't feel genuine. There's nothing happy left inside of me.

"So what are my options?" I ask. I don't really give a shit about what I buy, but if I say that to her she might get suspicious. She may be my drug dealer but she's also my friend.

I wonder how she will be affected after I kill myself. I mean, we've never been super close so I assume not that much. I wonder how my family will feel once I'm dead. I wonder who will find my bloody, lifeless body sprawled across the floor with a gun in my hand. No, I can't think like this. I can't let my conscious talk me out of this.

Today I must let myself think like a selfish person. Who gives a fuck? Not me. No ma'am. I do not care that pain I will cause by the decisions I make. No sir...that does not sound like anything I would ever say.

"What do you need it for?"

Shit...ok brain what lie should I use today?

"I want to use it to go hunting," Are you fucking kidding me? She is literally a wolf and so is my whole family.

"There is an ex who needs to be taught a lesson," Who the fuck do you think you're kidding, brain. You're single now and you've always been single. No one loves you, that's why you're doing this.

Persephone looks at me patiently. I need to come up with something quick before she becomes suspicious.

I try to position my body to look casual and confident even though I feel like the exact opposite. "Just for protection in case a rogue gets out of line," Hayyy, not bad, brain.