"The more I loved her, the more I hated her. And the more she loved me, the more I harmed myself." Marvin Gaye
Ryder's P.O.V (present)
I watch as Tiana walks out of the school bathroom. Anger flows through my veins. I hunger for fuel to this fire. I've learned that fighting this feeling only hurts me in the end.
"I f**king hate you," my wolf stated
Yeah, you've mentioned that
"Why can't you just be normal and love your mate,"
You literally know how I feel when I look at her...
"That's not normal!" Raudolf growled.
Ugh I'm so done listening to you whine
I walk to class in a sour mood, wishing I could turn my mind off.
(Fast forward to 11:30 pm)
I can't sleep. My thoughts are running wild and they all circle around Tiana.
I feel like two different people sometimes and not because I have a wolf voice in my head. The way I feel about Tiana is complicated. During the day, there's this boiling rage that bubbles up inside me and I can't fight it. Then at night I...miss her? I don't understand it and it's driving me crazy. No matter how much I wish it was simpler and wish we could be together, I can't see her without everything inside me telling me we shouldn't. What is wrong with me?
"Go to mate," Raudolf whimpers.
It's also a lot harder to fight his desires at night, maybe it has something to do with the moon cycle and I'm just getting werewolf crazy. I've heard that can happen...sorta. I feel this way every day and it's always the same, but I don't know why. Maybe I'm going crazy.
"MUST BE NEXT TO MATE!" He growls.
I roll my eyes, but like always, I give in.
I shift and make my way to the other side of the pack house. I find her window easily and shift back, putting on the extra set of clothes I carried in my mouth. The pillow and blanket I've hidden in a bush are still there so I get comfortable.
Her scent wafts through the window and it calms me, gives me a sense of tranquility. Somehow, this is always my favorite part of the day, even when my emotions are not explainable.
I rarely sleep anymore...constantly feeling conflicted as I lay here. However, smelling her scent has allowed the sandman to visit me.
Tiana's P.O.V
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I feel the cold blade on my thigh, carving my skin like a jack-o-lantern. Digging inside, searching for a release from my internal suffering. The pain distracts me, reminds me that I'm alive even though I'm dead inside.
Something stops me from going too far; something within asks me to stop. Maybe Ryder's threat got to me...If I did it quickly and quietly, he wouldn't be able to stop me. I don't understand why, but I put down the blade and determined I should probably shower to clean my self-inflicted wounds.
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I make my way through the bathroom and suddenly the world starts spinning. My knees buckle and I accept the fact that I'm going down.
A few moments later, there's a knock at my door. Deja vu much?
"You alright in there?" My father wonders with a hint of panic in his voice.
"Yeah Dad, just slipped," I lied.
"Ok. Go to bed," he grumbled in a groggy voice.
I pull myself up once he leaves, and attempt to shower again. This time it's a success.
I clean my body, but I know this won't change how dirty I feel. At least now my legs don't look I was just in a war.
The warm water soothes my skin. I close my eyes and feel each drop of water hit my face and shoulders. I wish I could stay here forever.
I only leave this sweet comfort like home when my fingers start to resemble raisins. I take my time getting out and reach for my towel only to realize I left it on my bed. I turn around and walk towards the door connecting the room. As my bare feet step onto the soft carpet in my room, I look up and scream.
A/N:
I apologize for the short chapter but I love a good suspenseful ending to a chapter. The next chapter is longer and was very fun to write. Thanks for reading and have a tasty Thursday.
Why did Tiana scream?
Why does Ryder sleep under her window?
Is Ryder going crazy?
Ryder: Don't you talk about me behind my back
Rachel: What?
Ryder: it's offensive to call someone crazy
Rachel: if the shoe fits...
Ryder: You know I'm not crazy!
Rachel: Do I though?
Ryder: Ugh *rolls eyes*
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Beaten, Bruised, and Kissed
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