"Trust is like a mirror, you can fix it if it's broken, but you can still see the crack in that mother f**ker's reflection." Lady Gaga
Tiana's P.O.V
"Why don't you head home sweetie. It's been a long day," Kahuna suggests.
"Yeah ok," I said somberly, wishing home was not my next destination. "I'll see you tomorrow!"
I strolled out of the diner and feel a spark of happiness at the sight of my beautiful baby. At least she will always be in my life.
As I'm riding, a familiar car drives through my line of sight. I roll my eyes in annoyance, waiting for another a**hole comment. Sure enough, he rolls down his window.
"Hey! Why you so ugly?" Calix laughs. "Does the poor, weak human not know how to put on makeup. Boo-hoo," he teased, making fake crying sounds.
"Nah man, that shit won't help. Maybe if we run her over, she's look better," Dowling jokes. Ryder is sitting in the driver's seat, enjoying every second of this.
I don't have to put up with this sh*t. I spot a dirt road that leads to a set of hills and mountains. My wheels squeal as I take a sharp turn down this road to escape from them. I follow the dirt path to wherever it may take me, letting my mind shut off. The road is bumpy, gyrating my body from side-to-side.
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Eventually I hit a dead end at the edge of a mountain. I park my bike and sit with my legs hanging over the cliff. I'm sick of suffering, sick of being confused, sick of living. I'm tired, exhausted really. Every day beats down on me and I'm expected not to break, to be tough and get through it. I feel broken and I don't know how to fix me.
Looking down at the world, I am misplaced. I'm meant to be small and insignificant. I belong under someone's shoe, to be scraped off and thrown away. It's time I end my own suffering; it's time I finally take some action.
My body moves without instruction, standing, hovering above the world. I extend my arms into the symbol of freedom and I let my body fall.
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Suddenly, I'm pulled back by my stomach and I hit the ground. As I sit up and look around, I hear a door closing and see Ryder's car quickly pull away. Again? What is up with him?! My phone buzzes.
Ryder: Stop doing that or else!
I decide to respond this time.
Tiana: Or else what? You're threats are as empty as you are
I turn off my phone, deciding to go home and sleep, hoping the moon goddess will take pity on me and let me die while I rest.
(fast forward)
As I flop onto my bed, I can't help but think about Ryder. I don't know how to feel about him. He's so unpredictable; hurting me, saving me, and hurting me again. One thing I do know is that I can't trust him, I will not allow him to manipulate my emotions. I just need to get over him asap.
Ryder's P.O.V
Driving home, I feel weird, unable to remember events that happened today.
"You don't want to know," Raudolf huffs.
What's that supposed to mean? What did you do to me?! I growled, attempting to coerce him.
"It's my job to protect you. Sometimes that means protecting you from yourself."
What does that mean!? Just tell me what happened. I'm officially panicked, my thoughts running wild on the possibilities.
"All you need to know is that you made a fool of yourself,"
The day has disappeared; a black hole has swallowed it, never to be remembered again. My environment seems insignificant to me, unhappy no matter where I am. My own room, a place I used to feel safe in, is congested with confusion. The only place where I can be happy is under Tiana's window. Giving into my hearts desires, I make my way across the pack house.
Once I arrive, I notice the window is slightly ajar, Without thinking, my body climbs up and slips through quietly, realizing she's asleep. Sliding under the covers, I get comfortable and put my arm around her.
Tiana whips her head around and screams, jumping out of bed and rushing to the other side of the room.
"What? What's wrong babe?" I questioned, confused by her reaction.
A look of disgust forms on her face. "Don't you dare call me 'babe'. I am not your 'babe'. Leave my f**king room now!" she yells, giving me a death glare.
"I don't understand, we were ok a few days ago."
"That was before today. You can't expect the few good things you do to hold more weight than the countless ways you've hurt me. I don't trust you and I want you out of my bedroom or I will scream bloody murder," her serious tone and hurtful words led me out the window, laying on the grass under her.
I wish things were simpler between us. Whatever happened today, I now know I hurt her in someway. Maybe there really is something wrong with me. I'm terrible to my mate during the day and wishing to hold her at night. Why can't I make up my mind and choose?
A/N:
I hope you liked the update! I struggled with this one a little plus I'm in school and a lot going on. I can't update everyday sometimes but I will do my best to be consistent. I appreciate all of the support everyone gives me.
This chapter is more serious and deals with suicidal thoughts again. Just a quick reminder: the national suicide prevention hotline number is 1-800-273-8255. If you ever feel or think the way Tiana did in this chapter, I urge you to call this number and/or talk to a professional. You're not alone. Please, please get help. Even if you think you're ok, it doesn't hurt to speak to a professional and get their educated opinion. There are also apps that are like forums for people who have been through similar experiences. 7 cups is a free service (I believe, correct me if I'm wrong), better help costs money, but you can do it from home. Hopefully these resources help.
I would like to update tomorrow for you guys but I'm going away for the weekend to a wedding so I really can't promise anything. If you don't see an update tomorrow, I will try to have one up Monday. I hope you guys liked this chapter and have a tantalizing Thursday.
Why did Ryder save her?
Do you think Tiana should trust him?
When will Ryder figure out what's going on with him?
Ryder: I don't know, you tell me. After all, you are the writer
Rachel: The questions are just supposed to guide reflection on the chapter
Ryder: I don't know...sounds like you don't even know what's going on
Rachel: If you keep questioning me, you're gonna get replaced and killed off
Ryder: You can't do that! I'm a main character
Rachel: Plenty of writers kill off main characters and Tiana is the star of the show anyway. *Abbylee Miller voice* Everyone is replaceable!
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Beaten, Bruised, and Kissed
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