"Apologies aren't meant to change the past, they are meant to change the future." Kevin Hancock
Tiana's P.O.V
She's so still, laying there facing us. Her eyes closed and body peaceful. The sun peaks in and radiates on our skin, reminding us that time is not standing still. Our breath steady, in a rhythm of silence. I'm unsure of our next step.
I just watched my mate kill his mother because she was trying to kill me. I'm obviously in shock because normally something like this would rattle me. I want this to be over, but once again I have no control.
After what felt like hours, I decided to speak up. "So...um...what now ?" I wonder quietly as I hear myself disturbing the heavy silence. He doesn't react much as he raises his head and slowly turned to face me while his arms still cling to his legs, tightly holding himself.
"I called your family when I was on my way here. They should arrive by the morning," his voice was quiet, almost non-existent. I wonder if he even said it or if I just imagined it. Turning his head once more, he closes his eyes and continues in still silence. I watch the statue in front of me, in his vulnerable state, nothing like he was before.
The reason I ran away is sitting beside me, but I don't recognize him. The monster who beat me just killed his mother to protect my life. I guess I shouldn't be too surprised about that aspect, he's always saved me, even when I really didn't want him to.
Am I supposed to be afraid or comfort him? It's not like I can research how to feel or what to do when your abusive mate kills his mother to stop her from killing me. I can't just suddenly trust him. Yes, he's saved my life many times, but I am scarred by him, his past actions haunt my nightmares. I feared him and maybe I still do. What am I to think? There is a naked and vulnerable man sitting beside me. For the first time in years, I have the upper hand. Would it be wrong to exploit this momentary weakness?
"I don't know what to do here." I stare straight ahead, afraid to look at him as I speak. My voice trembles, my arms are wrapped around my torso to keep myself from shaking. The sun shines in my eyes, shifting around the room as clouds cover the light. Out of the corner of my eye, I see the grip on his legs loosen and his shoulders slumped slightly upon hearing my voice.
"There is no obvious way to begin processing everything. All I really know right now is that I'm so sorry. It's not enough just to say that I know," he signed, staring absentmindedly at the ground.
"You're right," I state. "It's not enough. I direct my body towards him, my movement caused him to look up and lock eyes with me. "You made it so every day I walked down the school hallway I'd start breathing heavily and the world would begin to close in around me. I fear you ever now in your weakest state. My life is more difficult and exhausting because of you. Yes, I had my own issues before you became a monster, but you made it so, any thought of you sends me in a panic. I am not living; I am fighting the urge to die." my eyes never waver from his. I allow him to see my soul so he can recognize the damage he has caused.
"What I did was unforgivable," he quickly responds. "The fact that your sitting next to me now truly shocks me. My mother loaded the gun, but I pulled the trigger. I am to blame." It's surprising to hear him own up to his actions and act so humble. It's a side of him that makes me fear him a little less. I still do not trust him, but an apology is a good start.
"I know I don't deserve this but I am not doing so great right now," he smiles slightly. He's right, I have never seen him so vulnerable. I wish he would put some clothes on ... for the most part. "Our past is not lost on me and I know what I've done to you, but I just killed my mother. You're still my mate and it might help us both to comfort each other."
I look into his soul, his eyes no longer black. His face was contorted from emotional suffering. For a moment, I almost sympathized with him. Deciding to venture into the unknown, I slowly shuffle my body closer to his and wrap my arms around him, taking in his intoxicating scent. I'm immediately relaxed. We both sighed in relief as if we had been holding our breath since we were 14.
A/N: I want to apologize for neglecting this book for a couple of weeks. This past weekend I was able to see my girlfriend for the first time in almost 3 months. It was amazing seeing her again, but sadly she's gone again. I wasn't planning on writing this chapter the way I did, but I felt inspired. I hope you enjoyed it even though it was just a developmental chapter. Goodbye fellow readers and have a wicked Wednesday!
What will happen when Ryder explains everything to the family?
Is this the beginning of healing for Tiana and Ryder's relationship?
Will Ryder be different from now on?
Ryder: What do you have against me, huh?
Rachel: I have a grudge against alpha males
Ryder: So you're generalizing me
Rachel: Don't act so hurt, your ego was due for a good beatdown
Ryder: You are my creator! Why didn't you make me the character you wanted me to be from the beginning?
Rachel: What fun would that be?
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Beaten, Bruised, and Kissed
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