Beaten, Bruised, and Kissed

Chapter 33

"I stop, staring into the teardrop-shaped room, my heartbeat an alive and determined creature trying to claw its way out of my throat." Sara Raasch

Ryder P.O.V

My heart is in my throat, stuck and obstructing my airways. It beats faster and my whole body feels it, breaking into a nervous sweat. When Tiana momentarily turns away from me, I quickly wipe off the line of sweat making its way down the side of my face. I'm doing my best not to show her how I'm really feeling. I want to seem like I can handle this with ease.

We've been riding in this cab in silence for a few minutes and it's like everything I've ever known about being smooth and alluring fell out of my head before we stepped into this car. I'm paralyzed with this overwhelming desire building inside me the longer I sit this close to her without touching her.

"Need mate now!" Raudolf growled Italics.

We need to be patient...hopefully soon though. We've been getting along better now that we both want the same thing or person more like.

Tiana and I shared a few glances that increased my heart rate, but we didn't speak the whole drive to the airport. I try to be on my best behavior, taking her bags, opening doors, generally at her beck and call. This may be truly pathetic and desperate, but I'm willing to do whatever it takes for me to get back on her good side. She hasn't been resistant or avoidant of me so I have hope for the future.

While we're waiting in our planes' terminal, I can't help but think about our future. If she someday trusts me again, we'll be able to spend our lives together. I'm sure she'll want to travel often so we can go on trips during winter and summer. Maybe we can pick a continent and go around the area and we can rotate continents per season. Maybe she'll want to pick one place per trip and become immersed in the culture. We'll have to make time for her photography passion, but I'll do whatever it takes to make her happy so I won't mind. I would die young if it was a trade for her happiness and her smile to live on that face forever and let it never contort in pursed lips reflecting dissatisfaction and sadness.

As my mind wanders, I can't help the dirty and sexual thoughts from popping up in my mind. I can feel the heat coming from her body and even that increases my arousal. In order to control these dominant urges, I have to think about other, non-sexual images like the moon, grandma, and Zumba. I just have to keep taking deep breaths with my eyes closed to shield me from Tiana's sexy, beautiful body. I can't f*ck this up by being too sexual and intense too quickly. I have to slow myself down. As I finally calm myself down, I feel a soft and warm sensation on top of my hand while it lays on the armrest. My eyes flutter open to find Tiana's worried expression staring back at me.

"Are you ok? You've been breathing kind of heavy like you were having a panic or anxiety attack or something," she wondered. "Are you afraid of flying?"

I decided to go with her suggestion, even though it's a white lie... I'd rather her think I'm afraid of riding on airplanes then scare her with my unexpected libido. I nod my head slightly, unwilling to build this lie further, my eyes glance at her hand on mine and she seems to see this action as she says, "It will help. You can hold my hand when you get scared," she says hesitantly as we are in uncharted territory.

I'm not fond of her seeing me as a weak, fearful boy, but I'm willing to risk it if it means I can touch my mate. I slowly, so she can stop me at any time, wrap my larger hand around her: comparatively smaller one. A small smile sneaks onto her lips before she corrects her expression and turns her body to once again face forward and away from me. We return to the silence and waiting. Eventually, our section Is called and we board together, not once breaking our hold. She instead squeezes my hand tighter to make sure we don't separate. The world around me is a blur as all I can focus on is her touch. I try not to reveal this distraction, but all my thoughts and feelings are consumed by Tiana. I gave up on trying to stop it anymore. Everything is blissful and wonderful when she's this close to me.