Beaten, Bruised, and Kissed

Chapter 34

"Life is a blank canvas, and you need to throw all the paint on it you can." Danny Kaye

Ryder P.O.V

Our hands are still connected so as not to lose one another while walking through the busy streets of Paris. This is the best time of year here. Unfortunately, that also means it's tourist season. We were lucky enough to be able to catch a taxi that moved slightly faster than jogging to our hotel de L'Empereur where we dropped off our luggage before grabbing a few things for their journey through the cobblestone streets.

Walking on the sidewalks, we popped in and out of many boutiques that we passed by. She did not seem interested in the expensive clothing or jewelry. There was a hidden art museum "Le Musée des Reves (I made it up and it means museum of dreams) that caught her eye and captured her complete attention. Tiana's delight radiated around her as we entered. The gallery was filled with a variety of art media: sculptures, paintings, photographs, glass/mirror art, clay art, and so on. I follow her lead and I listen as she discusses the photo she was immediately drawn to.

Tiana's interpretation is that there's a person longing after another and maybe their dream is to have love or regain lost love. I love the way her mind works. This goes on and on as we slowly wander through, I listen and she talks. I don't mind shutting up for a while.

I've noticed that when I don't respond or add my own thoughts, she can go forever; I don't think she knows she's doing it until someone else talks. Tiana is always more than happy to speak her mind and tell you off if need be. She won't take your shit.

When we were younger, it was easier because I hadn't hurt her and she trusted me; she had no reason to believe otherwise. Now, Tiana will still speak her mind and tell me off but it's much harder to get her to open up beyond that. italics This museum has been a blessing in disguise.

"What I love about how they organized the space is that they didn't sort it by art media; they organized it to send you on an emotional journey which is why everyone has to enter and exit a specific way or else you aren't experiencing the art how it was intended. It's really interesting how the tone on the left side is apologetic, bitter, cautionary, disheartening, incensed, and skeptical paired with moods like angry, desolate, disappointed, drained, frightened, intimidated, painful, and remorseful. Dreams are almost lost or ones hard to successfully fulfill.

"Then we see this beautiful transition of tone and mood that are generalized pieces; I interpret the tones as compassionate, complex, sensationalistic, sentimental, sincere, and moods as inspired, passionate, thoughtful, touched, and vulnerable. When we transition from the beginning to the end, it's a smaller space, but it's brightened by the light shining above through a skylight window showing the blue sky. This Section...," she pauses and her smile grows wider. I didn't think that was possible. "...I relate to the most. I love that it has tones like assertive awestruck, celebratory, and playful that parallel moods like calm, confident, courageous, dreamy, eager, empowered, enlightened, hopeful, Idyllic, and optimistic.

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"It may be a smaller section compared to the beginning because dreams are not easy to attain; I can't help that I hope and dream. With all of the bad, the ugly, and the traumatic moments in my life and in yours, it's that little bit of light that gets us through to the end of our journey. The beginning is the honest and raw facts of living for your dream and how that can break your heart over and over; a pain worse than love lost is a dream unattained leading us down a path to hopelessness.

"I know I could be disparaging, cynically, or pessimistic because of the life I've led. I'm referring to every moment I've ever wanted to die or hurt myself because I needed to for once have control over who hurts me; I could let those memories and feelings consume my thoughts and steer how I experience life or, I could grab the steering wheel and take back my title as 'navigator' of my future. I am in control. My life is my own and I'd rather be happy and optimistic. Yeah, I get hurt, but I also take risks because I believe in my dream; I believe in myself and my future because I am the most stubborn person I know," this made me quietly chuckle. "I accept this because it makes me determined, motivated, and passionate so I know I will never give up; never, ever will I stop trying." She finally takes a breath. We sit in the comfortable silence as I follow her eye line to the pieces she's observing. She doesn't seem to notice or fear my presence as I move closer to see a couple of tiny details. Before I realize what I'm doing, I'm bent down slightly, with my head hovering just above Tiana's right shoulder so our faces are only a couple of inches away from each other. I try not to move much so I can enjoy this rare moment of closeness. I feel Tiana notice our proximity and hear her take a quick breath. She didn't move away at first. Her eyes fluttered back to the painting, her skin flushed, and her breath quickened. After a long, comfortable moment, she goes onto one of the last pieces.