Hamilton Oneshots [DISCONTINUED]

8. Jamilmads

A/N: I'm sad, so here's some angst.

"James, honey, please open the door," Alex pleaded, trying once again at the door handle he already knew was locked. "Jemmy, please? Tommy and I can help you, baby." All Alex received was dead silence from the other side of the door. "P-Please..." Alex clamped a hand over his mouth, stifling the sob that emitted from his throat. Thomas wrapped his arm around Alexander's waist, tears threatening to fall from his own eyes.

"Sugar, we miss you," Thomas said softly, trying not to let his voice crack from worry. It wasn't uncommon for James to cut himself off, or hide his feelings from his two lovers, but never once had it gotten that bad. James locked himself in the bathroom and had been there for quite a long time, too long for Thomas and Alex to just brush it off. "Jem, you're scaring us."

"Please just let us know you're okay," Alex asked hopefully. Once again, he got no response.

"Okay that's enough," Thomas left Alexander's side for a second to go to the kitchen where he grabbed a set of keys he kept only for emergencies. He unlocked the door of the bathroom, opening it hurriedly. "Oh my god..."

"T-Thomas," James gasped, seeing Thomas in the doorway. He was sitting in the tub, that was filled with water, though he was fully clothed. He had a gun in his hand that was pressed to his temple.

Alex could barely see James with Thomas in the way, but as soon as he saw the gun in James' hand he froze.

"Sugar, put that down please," Thomas said gently, taking careful steps towards James, fearing that if he made a sudden move or raised his voice to loud James would get scared. James shook his head, looking down at his soaked clothes. "Jemmy, darling, I'm begging you. Please put it down," James bit his lip and kept silent, almost as if he was trying to pretend he didn't hear Thomas at all. "Baby, Alex and I love you so much, so much. Don't take yourself away from us."

With shaking hands James retracted the gun from his head. Thomas sighed in relief as James held it out to him, silently pleading him to take the deadly device from his grip. Thomas took the gun, setting it carefully on the bathroom counter before turning to James who was still shaking, probably caused by the fact that he was drenched and it was pretty cold in the house.

"It's cold," James muttered to himself absentmindedly. Thomas helped him out of the bathtub and onto the small rug in the bathroom before wrapping a towel around James' small frame.

"James," Alexander said breathlessly, his brain finally catching up with the situation. "Oh my god, oh my god. Why would you do that?!" Alex asked, his eyebrows knit in confusion and worry.

"I-I..." James choked, unable to speak. Thomas rubbed James' back, trying his hardest to comfort him.

"Alex, please calm down, it's not going to help if you yell. Come on, help me get these wet clothes off of him," James' eyes widened and he shook his head, backing up against the wall. "Jemmy, you're all wet, you need dry clothes."

"I don't w-want you to see me," James muttered, whimpering in frustration as his back hit the wall, making it impossible to go any farther.

"James, honey, you're freezing, come on," Alex said, trying to calm himself down as well as James.

"No! I-I'm fine, I can change by myself," James insisted, holding his arms out in front of him in defense. Thomas gave James a concerned look, and James couldn't help but give in. "Fine," Thomas stepped foreword slowly, putting his hands on the hem of James' shirt, mumbling a "can I?", as not to make James feel unsafe or violated. "Yes," James murmured sadly, knowing he couldn't avoid it forever. Thomas lifted James shirt, revealing his dark-skinned, slightly chubby stomach, that, to Thomas' surprise, was littered with scars and cuts, deep ones. Thomas pulled off James' shirt completely, leaving his arms and shoulders exposed as well. "I'm sorry," James couldn't meet Thomas' eyes, knowing they probably looked angry.

"Sugar, look at me please," Thomas said softly, trying to divide his attention between talking to James and trying to stand in front of James. He knew that if Alexander saw James' torso, he would freak out, and probably break down, so he was trying to block Alex's view. James hesitantly shifted his vision so that his gaze met with Thomas'. "I'm not mad."

"You aren't?" James asked, baffled.

"No, I'm not. Now let's get you into dry clothes so we can talk, okay?" James nodded, relief showering over him from the fact that Thomas was calm. "Alex, baby," Thomas started, turning around. "Can you keep yourself calm? It's really important right now." Alex gave Thomas a confused look, but nodded, biting his lip. "Okay, remember, calm," Thomas took a deep breath before stepping aside, making James visible to Alexander.

Alex gasped sharply, cupping his hand over his mouth. Tears welled in his eyes at the sight. He couldn't believe that James, his James would do this to himself. Thomas grabbed Alex's shoulder, mouthing the word calm, hoping it would help. Alexander nodded, trying to suppress the lump in his throat. "J-Jem, can I help?" Alex asked, hooking his trembling fingers through the belt loops of James' skinny jeans. James nodded, allowing Alexander to remove his pants, along with his socks and boxers. Alex took the towel that was resting on the counter, using it to dry James to the best of his abilities. "Come on, sweetheart." Thomas was surprised at how well Alex was keeping himself composed, seeing as Alexander wasn't really good with things like this.

Thomas followed Alex and the towel-wrapped James back to their bedroom. He helped Alex clothe James, helping the still shivering boy into a new pair of boxers, sweatpants, and his favorite sweater. "Better?"

James nodded and let his two lovers pull him into bed. Thomas pulled James close to his chest and Alexander wrapped his arms around James' waist. Though he liked the warmth of Thomas and Alexander's arms around him, he knew the next thing to come was talking. "I'm sorry," James started. "For everything."

"What are you sorry for?" Thomas asked, thoroughly thinking about he words that were coming out of his mouth.

"That I'm not enough for you, that I'm not lovable," James bit his lip, waiting for them to agree, to tell him that he in fact wasn't enough, and that they were waiting for the right time to dump him.

"James Madison," Alexander said firmly. "We love you so much, darling, so much. You have and always will be good enough for us. Why would you think otherwise?"

"You and Thomas just love each other so much, and you both are so much better than me. You would probably be better off with each other, without me. I'm just a burden, just wasted space," James said, picking at his nails. Thomas audibly gasped, though it wasn't his usual, mocking or joking gasp, it was genuine, and somehow sounded heartbroken.

"Sugar, we love you just as much as we love each other. I could never dream of coming home and having you not be here. Yes, I love Alex with all of my heart, but that doesn't mean I can't love you too. Darling, when I saw you with that gun pressed to your head it broke my heart, no, it fucking shattered my heart. I don't know how I would handle it if you were gone, I know Alex would be just as devastated as I. Why didn't you talk to us, baby?" Thomas asked, kissing James' forehead lovingly.

"I was scared," James mumbled, choking up, tears rolling down his face. Alexander wiped them before returning his hand to James' hip.

"You don't have to be scared to talk to us. We're your boyfriends, honey. We're here for you, and we would never judge you. I know it's scary, but it's usually better to tell us if you're upset, so we can help," Alex said, running his fingers through James' short hair.

"I'm tired," James mumbled, resting his head on Thomas' chest. Both Alex and Thomas wanted to protest, but they knew James was overwhelmed, and they could talk tomorrow. And they both had a new goal in their minds.

Make James feel loved.

A/N: I didn't edit this, so sorry if it has mistakes.