thoughts and feelings

replacement

i feel like i'm just a replacement. you said you would wait for him, and i can't compare to him. he's nice and tall and you could talk to him. you don't want to talk to me, my messages are opened but i don't get a reply. i'm worried about you. when i get the second to look you in the eyes, you look sad, like you're longing for someone who isn't me. you'll wait until he's available and leave the next minute. i'm sorry i'm not a good enough replacement. i hoped i could make you happy. i get why it happened, it's happened before. i was sad and alone and vulnerable, and you were looking for someone and i was there. so i filled the void. but the worst part is, i like you. i love you. I constantly think about you and want to be near you every second of every day. and it sucks, it does. i can't bring myself to believe the words you tell me no matter how hard i try. how can i? so many people like you and want to be with you, prettier people, nicer people, people who aren't scared of what other people say. i don't think you care for me. i always text you first and i struggle to keep a conversation and i understand that you might just be in a bad mood; but what's the point of it then? i'm supposed to be the one comforting you and telling you it'll be okay. but you can't even say hi to me. but at least you can say you're in a relationship, you're not alone. and i get that. yet i'd rather be alone, than taken and unloved.

       ...well i'm calling your bluff, when you lie to me it's in the small stuff