thoughts and feelings

what would have been

i could have been your best friend
your comforter
your protecter
your reason to smile
your source of happiness
your reason to get up in the morning
your reason to keep going
because you would've been mine.

twelve months can teach you a lot
but twelve months never let me let go of you.
i've dated other people
i've been in love
i've been depressed
i've been happy

i've felt things
but i've spent each minute of it without you in the part of my heart that's specially reserved for you and has been since the day we met.

A part of me feels glad
glad i stood up for myself
because i don't deserve to be screwed over
do i?
the more i dwell on it the more i become uneasy with my decision
a part of me wishes i never changed things
i should've just let whatever it was we had fizzle out on its own

but there's a little bit of me that has and always will hope that something would change
you'd become the person you were on june 20 12:27 am
i'd be the exact person you though i was
i would be crying, happy
you'd be frantically texting our calling your best friend excited and shaking

but things change
people change just like you said
and i don't blame you for that, not at all
but change can hurt

i don't want to date you or be in love with you
i don't want to be the only person you'll ever hold
i know you won't see this, which is fine
i didn't intend on you reading
but i want something