Today I came out as trans to my mum. Today is the day where I managed to get enough confidence to tell her after meaning to for 5 months, which even then was 6-7 months after I first thought I might be and even longer since I decided being female wasn't right for me. Today is the day where I decided not to tell my mum anything about myself again.
Her response was to dismiss me straight away. To tell me how I haven't thought it through and I don't know the severity of what I'm saying. To tell me it's just a phase. To tell me I'm doing it to fit in with my friends (who happen to all be LGBT+).
A phase wouldn't mean that I light up whenever someone gets my name right. It wouldn't mean I start feeling sick writing my name or introducing myself because I have to use my birth name. It wouldn't be me panicking and giving myself a pep talk before telling her. It wouldn't be me thing of doing something dangerous like bandage binding because I hate my body and know I cant do anything else at the moment. It wouldn't be the bouts of really bad depression and anxiety I get when I get the monthly reminder that my bodies wrong. It wouldn't be me on the bring of tears writing this, the only reason I'm not actually crying is the fact I've cried enough.
It hurts me that teachers and random people that don't need to care have shown me more support and reacted more positively. People that may never see me after this year but don't tell me the whole it's a phase bullshit.
I've already cut one parent out my life so I really hope she accepts me some day because I dont want to cut another out just so I can be myself.
This is Alfred signing out XX
6/9/2017
Ps ~ First one of these since my name change!
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The Book Of Me
RandomDon't get why anyone would read this. This is where I rant and talk nonsense for all to see. Feel free to ask me questions and give me topics to talk about. :-)
