The contest

Chapter 22:
*edited*

It's been 3 days since my brother has passed. I'm leaving the hotel today to spend the next 2 days at Luke's then go on tour.

Right now I really don't seem like myself and it hurts. A lot. I just want all of this to go away but it can't.

I grab my suitcase and get into Luke's car and we drive to his house once again.

"Are you sure your ok?" he asks.

"I'm not but I don't even know if I ever will be" I say honestly.

He nods understandingly. "I'm sorry your life turns out to be awful when it starts to get better and I'm sorry that i can't help you through this but you need to know I'm right here to pick you up when you fall ok?" he looks into my eyes before focusing on the road again.

"Ok" i weakly smile.

We get to the house and all the guys tackle me in a hug.

"Hey guys" I sigh.

They frown and know I'm not ok. I just can't shake this feeling. Yesterday I went to Jason's funeral and that doesn't make anything any better.

"I'm going to take a nap" I say and go into Luke's room and crawl in bed.

I hear their conversations loud and clear and it's heartbreaking.

"I can't believe she is this bad" Michael said.

"I know and it makes me feel almost as bad as she does" Luke says.

"And we almost feel as bad as you" the other boys say.

"I know but I just don't know what to do but she needs help getting out of this" Luke said with pain in his voice. "She used to be all bubbly and happy and she always talked to me about everything and anything. Now the only thing she says are 2 word answers most of the time and she just cries and sleeps" Luke says crying a little.

I start crying as well. I feel awful I'm making them feel like this and I don't want to anymore. I need to do something fun so that I can get out of this.

"I know Luke we have to try for her to help her" Calum says.

I hear shuffling and Luke walks in the room clearly seeing me crying.

"You heard didn't you?" he says sniffling.

I nod and he sighs running his hand through his hair. "Kate seeing you broken is making me broken too and I want to help it's just I don't know how and when you don't get out of this it would be all my fault" he says crying at the end.

"Let's do something tomorrow" I weakly smile to him.

"Seriously?" he says.

"I want something to help me get my mind off of it."

"Alright how about hanging out with the one direction boys and us?"

"Sounds fun" I weakly smile again to him.

He runs out the door and yells "she's doing something fun with us tomorrow!" and the boys cheer and I laugh as the boys run in and hug me.

"I've missed your laugh so much" Luke says making me smile a real smile.

He smiles back one of the biggest smiles I have seen.

I can do this. I can get better.