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Chapter 9~ Because I Love You.

Killua POV

It's been almost a week since Gon and I have started traveling together again, and to be honest, this is the most mentally and emotionally confused I have ever been in my entire life. It's also been a few days since Gon and I have, uh, kissed.....and stuff. The last time was when he had started out teasing me, but I ended up teasing him.

Which led to him "Shutting me up" in a shaded alley he pulled me into. Lately, Gon has been....distant. I don't know why, and it's bothering me. A lot. I want to ask, but I'm scared of what his answer could be. What if he hates me, and doesn't want to travel with me anymore? Those are the types of questions that keep popping up in my mind every time I consider asking him about it. I just know that I wouldn't be able to take that. I would break down. But at the same time, with every day that passes without me asking him, I find myself longing to ask him more and more. And it terrifies me.

Right now as I think all the depressing and scary ass thoughts, letting them bounce back and forth in my skull, I lay here on my back staring up at the ceiling at who the fuck knows what time in the morning. But something that I do know for a fact, is that just across the room, Gon sleeps in his own bed peacefully. And I love him so much that it hurts. So bad......

I roll over on my side with my back facing to Gon and curl myself up into a ball. I stay quiet as I feel the warm tears stream down the side of my face and falling onto the pillow. I must've been sniffling since Gon woke up. "H-hey Killua? Are you okay?" I quickly cover my mouth as my eyes widen in shock. I begin to shake out of fear since I can't stop crying enough to answer him. "Killua?"

I hear a rustling of blankets so I assume Gon must've sat up in his bed. I don't know what to do anymore and I begin to shiver and whimper uncontrollably. "K-Killua?!" His voice sounds filled with concern and I hear his feet hit the floor and his footsteps as he walked towards me. Well, more like run. As quickly as I could I reached down for the blanket and attempted to pull it over me so he couldn't see me.

But unfortunately for me, Gon was quicker and snatched the blanket away. Leaving me staring up at his wide, concern filled eyes, as tears continued to stream down my face uncontrollably. "Killua..." Before I had time to react to anything, I was pulled into Gon's chest and wrapped inside his strong arms. He was holding me so tightly to him..... My ear was pressed against his chest, and I could her heart beating wildly. I was enveloped in warmth. In Gon's warmth. "Killua.....Why are you crying?"

You could hear the pain in his voice. I immediately tensed up at his words. I quickly tried to push him away but was unsuccessful and he tightened his hold on me. "Killua." He sounded much more stern and serious this time. I can't tell him why I was crying. So I stayed quiet as he held me in his arms. "Killua! Answer me." The anger in his voice was painfully obvious. I tensed up more. "I'm.......fine Gon," I said as calmly as I could. "You're lying! Killua, tell me the truth. Why were you crying?"

I was quiet for a moment before answering. " I uh.......just had a bad dream. That's all." I mumbled quietly, but still loud enough for him to hear. "I am not convinced." He sounded so serious that it sent a shiver down my spine. "Gon, please let me go." I attempted to push him away but his grip only grew tighter. "No." He sounded so.....hurt. "G-Gon, pl-please." His arms squeezed me tighter once again and I sunk deeper into his chest as he buried his face in the crook of my neck.

I hesitantly reached my arms out to hug him back, but I stopped. The deeper I fall, the more it's gonna hurt me in the end. I just want it to be over with as soon as possible. I gasp as I feel Gon place a soft kiss on my neck. "H-hey Gon what are y-" Gon smashes his lips roughly to mine and I try to pull away. He moves his lips down to kiss my jaw and kisses down my neck leaving a trail of little red marks. He slides my loose T-shirt lower down on my shoulder to expose my collarbone and kisses it. I let out a small moan and quickly covered my mouth with on my hands.

I feel my eyes start to tear up more again. "G.....Gon stop." He doesn't respond and instead continues to lick and kiss all over my neck and collarbone. "Gon!" I feel the hot wet tears run down my face as I sniffle I push him away as hard as I can. He falls back and down onto the floor. I feel my eyes widen and mouth open in shock. I stare at him as Gon sits there, teary eyed and on the verge of breaking out in tears. He looks down with a painful expression presented on his face. He brings his knees to his chest and buries his face in his arms. I hear his quiet repetitive sniffles. "I'm so.....sniff.....sorry.....sniff.....Killua...."

He says in an almost inaudible voice due to him sniffling uncontrollably. "G-Gon wh-......why are you c-crying?!" I curse at myself in my head for my uncontrollable stuttering and sniffling as well as my voice cracking. "Because you're gonna hate me Killua....." I look at him confused even though he can't see me since his face is still buried in his arms. "What the.....Gon! Why the fuck would I hate you?!" I yell with an angry tone in my voice even though I continue to sniffle and my voice continues to crack. "Heh," He looks up at me with a fake happy---with a sad smile. His honey, golden brown eyes puffy from crying and glistening with tears from the moonlight coming in through the window. "Because I love you."

** I wrote this with a cast on lmao😂😂 I only had to wear it for like 3 weeks so I get it off like this Tuesday I think. Then I have to wear a stupid brace for I dont even remember how long. So yeah I finally updated or whatever. Sorry its not that long I guess. Also my birthday is tomorrow.**