Stay

Chapter 10~ Always

Gon POV

The next morning I woke up and went to take a shower. I closed the door behind me after glancing back at the still sleeping Killua. I begin to undress as I remember the recent events that occurred last night. I confessed my love to Killua. I apologized for loving him. I remember his shock filled eyes staring into my tearful brown ones.

He didn't say anything back except for a simple 'we'll talk later'. After saying that he rolled over so his back was facing me and pulled the blankets over his head. Then I had gotten up and laid in my own bed and curled my body into a ball. I didn't get much sleep, and I don't remember falling asleep, but I must have fallen asleep sometime after that.

As I continue to replay the memories of last night over and over, I finish washing my hair and body. I finish and step out of the shower to dry myself off. I wrap a towel around my waist and use another one to dry my now flat and wet, spiky hair. I walk over to my bag and pull out my clothes to wear for the day and head back to the bedroom to put them on.

Even though Killua was asleep, I didn't want to risk waking him up and him seeing me without any clothes on. I don't want to make him any more uncomfortable because after last night he probably doesn't feel very comfortable around me right now. Honestly, I don't regret confessing to him. Even though It has put both Killua and myself in an awkward and uncomfortable situation, I feel so much......lighter.

But at the same time that I am felling this newfound lightness and freedom, I'm constantly repeating depressing and fearful thoughts in my head. The fear of being rejected. The fear of losing him. Losing my Killua. I can't stand the thought of not being with him. I want him to stay with me, and be mine. Mine and only mine. I want him to belong to me and no one will take him away.

I won't give up on making him mine, even if it kills me. I want him to be able to open up to me and tell me everything. I want to know how he truly feels about me, and even if his feelings aren't the same as mine is for him, I will continue to love him. I will love him from a distance; from the sidelines. Even if he falls in love and moves on, gets married, has a family, I will still be there beside him as his best friend. Loving him from a distance, and I will be happy for him.

But no matter how hard I try, I will never be able to move on. Because the one I love is Killua. He is my world, and always will be, even if someone else is his sun. I don't care how selfish I sound or how selfish I am. Because, in the end, all I wish for is his happiness. But for now, I will give him all the love I can, and all the love he will allow me to give.

And when the person that is destined to steal him away from me comes, I will fight with everything I have and everything I am to win. To make him chose me. And if I lose, no matter how hard it may be, I will accept my defeat, and I will respect the one he chose over me. I will leave, and let them be happy. But at the same time I will always be there, watching over him, and loving him with all my heart from a distance.

I snap back to reality and out of my thoughts as I finally notice the tears that have been streaming down my face for who knows how long, as look out over the balcony. I smile and wipe my eyes. I walk back into the room and hear the shower running, signaling that Killua has woken up. I make a quick breakfast, enough for two in case Killua wants some. I make a plate and head to sit down on the couch.

I set my plat on the coffee table and turn the TV on. I eat slowly as I watch cake boss on TV. Yeah, I watch cake boss. It's extremely satisfying. Get on my level. I hear the shower turn off and I start to get a little nervous, scared of what might happen after seeing Killua for the first time since confessing to him. Will he be mad? I thought to myself as I stopped eating and stared down.

I shook my head and continued to eat and watch TV. I hear the door of the bedroom open and tense slightly. After a few short seconds of silence, I opened my mouth to speak. "I-I made some food if you're hungry...." I curse myself in my head for stuttering. I hear his footsteps towards the kitchen. I hear him grab a plate and put food on it. I become a little stiffer as I hear his footsteps nearing me, fearing the worst. I didn't look up even once since he had come over.

His footsteps stop right in front of me and I just continue to stare down at my own plate of food. I watch as he sets his plate beside mine and plops down on the couch next to me. I glance at him from the corner of my eye and see him looking at the TV. I relax a little and start to eat again. He eats as well and once we finish I take our plates to the sink and wash, dry, and put them away.

I look over towards the couch and find Killua staring at me. He blushes and looks away. I feel my cheeks heat up and I look down as I make my way back towards my seat on the couch. Is he mad? I think to myself again. I glance at him again through the corner of my eye and see he has a serious thinking face on as if he is trying to figure out whether or not he should do something. I gather up some courage to speak. I face towards him and look at him. "H-Hey Killua......Are u mad?"

He jumps a little and looks up at me with a surprised expression. "Why w-would I......" He cuts himself off with a "Tch," Before I can say anything else, Killua crawls over and sits on my lap, one leg on each side. "Killua......What a-are you...?" He looks at me with a serious face and slightly annoyed face. "I'm not mad you big idiot." I stare at him shocked. My eyes widen even more as Killua smashes his lips roughly against mine. He stops and pulls away to say something, "I love you too."

**Yeah another cliff hanger haha. Next chapter is gonna have some smut in it, so get ready for it to all my fellow perverted readers lmao. Sorry about the long time no update, life sucks**