sometimes i remember what it used to be like,
and sometimes i think i can remember what it could have been.
not if i had done things right,
no, i don't think there was ever a right in the first place.
but maybe what i remember is a time where it seemed like i knew exactly where everything was going to land.
as if we were falling, falling, and falling
and i just knew that whatever we collided with when we finally hit the ground wouldn't be so bad.
i'm not the wind,
i don't decide which direction it takes us whether that's
left
right
up
or faster downwards.
still, somehow, we never landed.
or at least not together.
i don't think there was ever a right, but maybe there was a wrong.
i pray that i wasn't that wrong.
i pray that whatever happened to the air between us that caused a drift wasn't because of me
even though when i lay in bed at night unable to sleep
i know it was.
but mostly i pray that if this is the ground
that we find our way back.
i don't mind if it's not the landing zone i imagined,
or just a midnight text.
i don't mind if i never find out what that landing zone was going to be.
because that would mean there's a chance left,
a chance that once again it could feel like spiraling down together
and being reassured by it.
i can only hope that you wish for that too.
8'm /9446.
:;
i'm not dead and also that spam is intentional
