i miss you so much.
i can't stop thinking about that day.
goodbyes are always awkward
until they aren't.
they are staring at the ground until you start crying,
and looking up to see the other person is too.
i kept saying that i was sorry
even though i had no reason to be,
you of course knew this and said:
"why are you sorry? it's not your fault"
it wasn't mine, but it wasn't yours either.
i hate that i had to let you go.
i hate that i had to watch you walk away from me
and instead towards him.
i hate that when we talk on the phone i can feel his presence beside you on the other end.
i want to ask you how you are and get a real response,
not a filtered one.
i want to stand beside you and remark at how tall you've grown,
or see your art in person so the colors aren't dulled like they are in pictures.
it's very tiring, worrying about you constantly,
though i will never stop.
i hope things really have changed,
because as unfair as that is to me,
at least it will be good for you.
i miss you so much.
