there are places i do not understand,
where the grass grows taller
on the other side of the hill,
and the flowers seem to have more color.
i do not go to them often
as i believe they do not love me
as much as i do them--
a fearful thought.
i suppose nature is the most nurturing of souls
but past traumas have led me
to deny the notion
and mostly deny myself
the deliverance i seek.
perhaps i am best in the lonely confines
of a cold and empty home
full of scorching hot demons that i cling onto
as my only source of warmth.
i think that a sun would provide a tenderness
far superior to those of these monsters,
but i have grown to find myself more comfortable with familiar things,
though they may burn.
i ponder of times where i found security
in other chambers that held equally disturbing creatures
i have since then released,
and wonder if that is what this is now.
a feeling long forgotten but not destroyed
chains me to these walls today.
to try and play them down to weak strings
would be dismissing a whole world inside me.
still,
i yearn for the days i will roam fields of daisies
and soak up light that is not artificial.
i hope to one day cut these shackles,
and finally be free.
