TRIGGER WARNING: THIS POEM CONTAINS KINDA GRAPHIC MENTIONS OF DEATH SO DON'T READ IF YOU'RE SENSITIVE TO THAT SORT OF STUFF
:;
i remember one night in summer;
us, together, yet far apart.
under the same sky at least,
only it was 'at least' then.
under my duvet i laid,
eyes slightly watered from the brightness of my screen,
suffocating from hiding beneath the blankets so my parents wouldn't walk in and see i was awake
talking to you of course,
as we always did,
because what more was there to do?
nights like that i spent all of them talking to you.
we talked about so many things,
like dogs
cats
life
and death.
we talked about death.
at the time i had been constantly preoccupied with death,
and it would be a lie if i said i wasn't anymore.
but we talked about death and we spoke about the
when
where
who
why
how.
mostly the how.
worst case, best case,
thinking back it doesn't really make much of a difference.
i probably said i'd rather let go in my sleep instead of drown or burn,
my obsession with death had always been tied along with fear.
but you had really thought about it.
you typed for a long time before saying:
my worst fear is to die from a slit throat.
bleeding out, unable to breathe, talk.
unimaginable.
i still think about that, years later.
i think about what you've done since then and what you're doing now.
i think about all the times you hurt me and made me feel like i was drowning
or all the times your words felt like a knife to the ribs.
and though we also talked about life after death and what may come,
how you believe in a heaven and a hell, no more,
i still hope that i haunt you in your dreams, my memory a ghost but still there.
and when you fall asleep i'll be waiting,
patiently,
to do the unimaginable.
:;
i swear i'm not a murderer it's just a metaphor. fun story about what inspired me to write this (not the event itself but something that reminded me of it): you know when you have those repressed memories and something happens and suddenly makes you remember? well i was in english today and i don't recall what it was that triggered the memory but i suddenly remembered this one time my ex legit told me he daydreamed about murdering me it was so fucked up lmao so that's what this is about
