a new feeling has approached,
like a challenger in a video game.
it seems that when i think i have felt everything there is to be felt,
there is always more to come.
it has probably always been there,
perhaps even on surface level among all the things i'll willingly confront.
but never this strong, this deep.
it's paired with infatuation, adoration,
the kind i haven't experienced truly in years.
it makes me ache and yearn,
things i despise doing.
i guess it is true that when there are great highs,
there are even worse lows.
because when he talks to me, touches me, sits with me,
it feels like i am air floating upwards towards the heavens.
but when the attention isn't there i toss and turn,
despite the words of wisdom my brain throws at me,
the heart has finally taken over after all this time of going with reason over desire.
i had muted its' wishes,
muffled them with common sense and sacrifice.
yet i wasn't prepared for it to be torn through like this, so abruptly.
i placed value in my control but now that he's here i lose it.
my drive and ambition takes a back seat as my soul longs to have him hold me
even when there are things to be done.
sometimes worry and jealousy bubble up inside me when i'm afraid i've done something wrong,
or i see him with girls prettier than me.
i hate the vulnerability of being close,
of knowing that i am now the one who's more replaceable.
the burden of affection weighs heavy on my shoulders
as i try to come to terms with the fact that i am neck deep in more than i had anticipated.
but i suppose to drown in love is better than to drown in loneliness.
