The heart of the joker

Chapter 19

The next morning I wake up with a major headache and someone battering the door down. Falling out of bed I grab my dressing gown and answer the door, Its Bruce,

"Ryder I-"

I slam the door in his face and walk away. Ash walks past me and I hear the door open. I sigh.

"Ryder.. Im really sorry for what I said and did last night.. but im just so worried about you.. I dont want you to get hurt again. I love you too much to loose you.."

I turn and see Bruce nearly in tears, something in my heart tugs but its not the love it should be, its more pity, he hands me the flowers in his hand.

"Thank you for the apology..and flowers"

He pulls me in for a hug and Ash takes the flowers from me. I hug back and he kisses me gently,

"now this is a long shot.. but i wanted to show you how much I love you..."

he gets down on one knee and my heart pounds an the pity slowly starts to disappear.

"Ryder will you marry me?"

Ash squeals and bounces and Bruce's face is so hopeful. I wasn't quite ready for marriage but they looked so happy so-

"yes"

He slips the ring on my finger and stands up to kiss me. Ash dances around and I laugh. As soon as we pull away Bruce holds my hands, 

"come home?"

I let go and look down, "Ill come home in 2 days..I just want to think about somethings first.."

"oh..okay, ill see you then"

he pecks my lips, says good bye to Ash and leaves. Sighing I walk to my room. Ash squeals and jumps on my back, 

"You're getting married!!"

"yeah"I laugh softly, 

She lets go of me and cups my face, 

"are you okay?"

"yeah..just..just tired is all"I say trying to smile, 

"Okay, get some sleep. but im here if you need me remember"

"I know"I smile a little, 

Once in my room I sit with my back against the wall, knees up to my chest and my face in my hands, 

"why does all this feel so wrong...It feels like im living in a dream"

Suddenly everything feels tight, my breathing becomes shallow. I need to get out but I cant let Ash see, so I grab my coat, open my window and climb out; I walk down the metal stairs. I start running, I don't know where to, I just run. Ending up at the entrance of a forest I slowly walk in and take in the clean air and the trees, my body instantly becomes calm. As I put my hands into my pockets I feel my phone and ear phones. I pull them out, plug them into my phone and place the buds into my ears. Pressing play Snow Patrol - Take Back The City comes on and I walk happily around the forest not caring about anything..

Its late when I get back, I quietly climb through my window again. Suddenly the lights flick on, Ash stands against my door, arms crossed, 

"where the hell were you?!"

"I went for a walk to clear my head"

"so you don't tell me? you just climb out the window?!"

"I'm sorry but I didn't think I was going to be gone long, I got caught up in my music"

"your so reckless sometimes!"

"are you going to give me a lecture how its so dangerous outside?!"

"but it is, you do-"

"OUT!"

"what?"

"get out! I don't care anymore. just get out! im sick of people treating me like im fucking 5 years old! now get the fuck out!"

"you've changed so much.."she says with tears in her eyes, but then leaves, 

Sighing I sit on my bed, my long silver hair getting in the way. I stood up slowly and stared in the mirror, my hair was waist length, the silver looks more grey, then I smirk. Bursting out of my room I grab my phone and purse, 

"Ill be back in a bit"

Not waiting for a response I leave the flat and head to the nearest shop that was open. Grinning the whole time I grab the 2 things I went to get. When I got home I locked myself in my bathroom. I was shaking with excitement. Opening the box I started to get to work..