Engineering Moon and the Crazy Doctor [Completed]

35. Lost and devastated

(Forth)

When Beam rushed over the car, I tried to stop him. But he hastily sped away without even saying a single word to me or to his friends who abruptly went out of their room upon hearing our commotion. They asked me what was going on. I can't answer them for I have the same question in mind. 

I have no idea what's happening... The last thing I have known is, he's reading something in his pager...

"It must be an emergency in the hospital," Pha offers.

"But it's his off-duty, right, P?" Mingkwan asks in total confusion, too.

"Technically, yes. However, we must always be on call in case we are needed, especially if it's related to our assigned patients. That's why we have our pagers all the time," Kit explains.

I feel like a cold water is poured on to me. His pager beeped when we were by the shore, and I chose to ignore it. Worst, I turned it off. Apparently, he has received an important message for him to quickly go away. Pha said, I shouldn't worry too much because it's only natural with the profession they have. Nonetheless, their eyes are betraying them. They worry as much as I do, and I feel like, something' terribly wrong...

...and it's my fault.

I ask to borrow Mingkwan's car to go after Beam. I have to make sure that he's okay. He offers to drive, but isn't he organized this outing to be with Kit? The same with Pha. So, I tell them that I can manage it on my own, and will be coming back to pick them up tomorrow morning. They just have to enjoy their time without us, though I know it will be impossible after this...

Fortunately it's midnight, there are only few vehicles on the road. No need to worry about traffic congestion, and highway patrol cops. I can break the city speed limit to get to the hospital right away.

Once I arrive, I jog my way to the entrance. I don't know who or what the emergency is to make him seemed like in panic. I don't also know where he might be in this big hospital, but I just let my feet lead the way as if it knows where to go...

Until I find the person I'm looking for.

I promptly stop on my track when I see the state he is at... His back is leaning on the wall while his head is hanging down. His shoulders are trembling for, perhaps, trying to hold on the emotions that's boiling inside.

I take a step towards him, to console him, only to be halted once again when tears drop from his eyes...

...

I am used with his smile which can bring peace to inner turmoil and light up even the darkest part of world.

I am used with his surliness. He's crankiness and crude; sometimes, he tends to be unpredictable. But, I could deal with those moods.

I am used with his harmless mischiefs. His pranks, and other naughty things. It brings laughters and fun within our home, and even to wherever place he goes. It only shows that he really lives up to his name.

But...

I am not used with the tears, flowing from his eyes... To the Beam I am seeing right now: lost and totally devastated.

For the past years since I have known him, I have been used with the idea that a person like him will never shed a tear. He has always been strong and smiling despite some predicaments, I almost forget how delicate he truly is behind those facades. 

I am so fucking idiot!

I don't know what's happening or what to do. I don't know what I am supposed to do. I feel like I am falling into a deep limbo with a lot of questions in my fucking mind.