Old School

03 - Living Is Easy With Eyes Closed, Misunderstanding All You See

"Living is easy with eyes closed, misunderstanding all you see." The Beatles - Strawberry Fields Forever (1967)

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It is somewhat sad to feel how Michael Jackson, Whitney Houston, John Lennon, Janis Joplin and the other stars like them died so quickly. It's like we only have a few days left to live. Everyone could die anywhere and anytime, the thing is they just didn't get to say goodbye to the ones they love. What would they feel? Sad, empty, unloved, sadder than a little puppy thrown away on a cold winter night. But they just didn't thought about that because all they think was all about the world stuff, while we also have to think about death.

I'm a girl whose afraid of death, not that I'm afraid of dying, but I'm afraid of losing someone I loved so much because of death. I don't want to be alone. Do you know how it feels to be alone? It is the worst feelings that you could have. I've been alone for years, even though sadness pasts through my heart lots of time, I still didn't get why I don't need friends.

Here I stood next to my cousin's white bed, this smells seems so familiar. Her face was all pale, and I could feel the sorrow pain hurting my heart. I've been here a few days ago, since I know that Amber went to a coma because of the dangerous cancer on her brain. Tears streaming down on my face, why I have to see these things? I sometimes wish I could just be blind, so I wouldn't be able to see what was happening here. To see her like this feels like someone stabbed me right on the heart.

I was close to Amber, she was a cousin, also as a best friend to me. I told her everything, about what I loved and she would support me if I told her my bullied life. She past through to what I felt too, bullied. She was the decent girl at school who got pushed to the locker by a dickhead. That's why I wanted to clear my history about bullying. I don't want to feel the misery, I don't want things like her happened to me. 

I cried and cried and made the white soft and thin blanket wet. Her hand was all cold as an ice. She's very beautiful, her heart, her everything. She's just the perfect girl boys would love to have, she has a big heart and a sweet smile. I just really want to hear her encouragement for me, and I wanna be like her.

Deep in my heart I was hurting. I told Conner that I'm going out with my new friends, though I didn't. I'm visiting my cousin, who lost their parents from airplane accident. Mom and dad knows about these, but Seth and Conner didn't. I knew it because I was walking past my parents room when they suddenly talked about Amber, who is in coma. I was shocked, cried to them, telling that this was all only a practical jokes to them, but the worst thing I could hear is that these wasn't a joke at all. I broke down, promised to them I will never told Seth and Conner.

I just felt bad why in the hell I didn't tell my own brothers about what's happened. I'm such a bad sister. But I have to do it, Seth and Conner will also had a broke down.

What a pity, she's just perfect, she's gorgeous, but her life was surrounded by death. Her mother got a miscarriage, then their parents died on an terrifying accident, and now she's in a room where there's only the loud beeping sound and my cries. 

"Excuse me, but you have to leave in minutes. The patient need a rest." The voice of the nurse told me.

"What are you talking about? She's resting all the time! If you could just wake her up then I would leave!" I screamed at her, cried louder.

"She's going to be alright, miss. I'll give you fifteen more minutes. It's late, you know." She clicked the door closed and left me behind.

I just want to stand up and leave, but I couldn't. My feet got stuck onto the floor. My hands are glued on the bed. No matter how much I tried, I couldn't stand up.